Recovery

In everything we do, there is an amount of success and failure.  Getting your hand raised is not always an accurate measure of either.  A fight is not a finality, it’s a symbolic moment in time, a test that you fail or pass.  It’s a part of a greater process, not unlike every other endeavor in life.  We must prepare, participate, and recover.  I’m working on recovery, and it’s definitely a process of its own.

Physically I’m good, I have been for weeks.  I still wake up wondering why I didn’t just switch my control on my leg lock and I’m still dealing with feelings of disappointment, but I have acknowledged my mistakes, I have a plan to change them. Most importantly I’ve forgiven myself.

I face failure daily.  I strive for success, but if I don’t get tapped out, hit hard, or want to quit, then I didn’t work hard enough. That too is failure.  The only way to balance my fragile little fighter ego is to learn to forgive myself.  Making excuses (no matter how legitimate) and only focusing on the positive will only create a weakness that will be exposed as soon as the same situation arises.  Dwelling on mistakes will also only take me so far, in order to rise above them I must make corrections and let go.

It’s much easier to forgive everyone else, we can make excuses for them, assume they are truly sorry or have truly changed.  It’s a lot harder when we look in the mirror.  We know if our excuses are valid and we know if we’ve changed.  Still, we can’t let go, but the more we work to fix ourselves and embrace the lessons we learn from our failure, the easier it becomes.

We have to see our true measure of success in terms of growth.  If you can't see your growth, take a little more time to recover.

www.KatieCasimir.com

The Glamorous Life of a Professional Fighter

You see an excited fighter bouncing to the cage to some carefully selected “walk out song” followed by the entourage of guys wearing matching shirts.  Maybe there’s some bling in the form of a championship belt.  Two fighters pumped full of adrenaline give everything they have and the crowd goes crazy.  After the fight, fans and fighters congratulate each other and take pictures.  Then there’s usually an after party made up of fighters, their camps, a couple of former UFC fighters, production staff and again, fans.  It’s all part of the show, and win or lose it’s always one of the most memorable nights of your life… Now here’s the whole picture:

Thursday

After a 3 hour flight we wait in the shuttle for an hour for a couple fighters that never show up (in general we are a flakey lot), then there’s an hour ride to the town where the fight will actually take place.  We arrive at a charming but less than modern hotel where there is only a pretense of Wi Fi and a room that smells like cigarettes.  The “provided meal” that night included Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes.  My husband/coach threw away his food and saved his dinner roll.  Then he tasted his roll and threw it away too.  I had to cut weight the next day so I ate an apple and we braved the sleet and walked to Sonic for some “nutrition” for him.

Friday

I relaxed until it was time to start my cut, which I always do in a hot bath.  I turned on the water and yep, it was warm not hot.  So I made a pseudo sweat hut out of one of the comforters on the bed.  I am nothing if not resourceful.  I weighed in at 114.8 lbs, right on target and the promoter gave us passes to the buffet.  Now I know what you are thinking when I say “Buffet,” because that’s what I was thinking too.. but it was 6 trays of fried seafood and a tiny salad bar.  My husband again threw out his food and had some apple crisp and ice cream.

Back at the hotel it was “Taco Night.”  A warm tortilla and re-fried beans (I didn’t ask what they were fried in either time) never looked so good.  My husband who was happily eating his taco said “Life is all about comparisons…”  Because of my cut, I had a lot of nutrients to replace for the fight the next night, I ate most of the food I brought with us, including my husband’s turkey jerky… I’m a vegetarian, I was truly desperate.

Saturday

Fight Day!  A winter storm had moved in and the venue was freezing.  I was more concerned about getting warm than about my fight.  Good for nerves, bad for warming up.  Then they took all of our food except fruit at 5pm, I didn’t fight until 11pm.  No excuses, my opponent was in the same situation.  My face got pretty lumped up and I lost my fight.  There was no after party.  My husband wanted to sleep, I had too much adrenaline.

Sunday

After two hours of sleep, a late shuttle, and severe weather warnings we made it to the airport on time.  I feel like everyone thinks my husband beats me and I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to work tomorrow with bruises on my face.

The good news is the promoter was a straight up man, he paid me in cash, and he wants to have my husband come fight for him too.  As always, I met a lot of awesome people and have many lessons learned for next time.  Although it’s never as glamorous as it looks, I wouldn’t trade these experiences for anything.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Live With No Regrets

There are moments in life that take our breath away, good and bad.  I’ve had more than my share over the last couple weeks, and sometimes it’s hard to take it all in.  I feel small and fragile in one moment, and I’m an unstoppable force the next.  People come and go from your life and they all change you, from the sweet woman who came through my line at work and suggested a new way to cook spaghetti squash, to the friends I have had for my whole life and continue to love me for me.

I remember a man I knew from the gym.  He was a little older, overweight, he drove a cab and he wanted to fight.  He was there every day, even if he had to take the bus.  He was losing weight and improving, humble and willing to learn from anyone.  Time and politics moved us to different gyms.   The fight community is small and we would still run into each other from time to time and it was always awesome to see how he was growing.

There’s no gentle way to say that he was shot and killed weeks before his first fight.  He had worked years toward this goal, and never got there.  As tragic as this story seems, I think the real tragedy would have been if he had given up.  From experience, I bet he woke up that morning thinking about his fight, a few butterflies in his stomach and a little smile.  I bet there wasn’t any regret for the time he’d put in at the gym.  Truly pursuing one’s passion is a victory in itself.

I struggle and I sacrifice, but I don’t suffer.  I sweat, I bleed, and I cry, but I am blessed because I know what I want.  Working toward that is never work in vain, even if I never get there.  I will not have regret in my final moments, because I gave it everything I could.

Rest in peace Blackie, your spirit lives in my heart and continues to inspire me. May we all wake up on our last morning holding our dreams, or at least reaching for them.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Soul Food

When I was a kid, come hell or high water, I was to be home by 5:30pm to make sure the table was set for dinner at 6:00pm.  My family would pray and we would eat together.  We would share our day’s events, sing, and make jokes about my dad’s Volunteer Fire Department Pager Test that went off every night at around 6:00.  There was no T.V., the dishes were out of sight, we just enjoyed an always amazing home cooked meal, and each other.  Later in my life I discovered not only how rare this is anymore, but how valuable it is to take a meal with our loved ones.

I had dinner last night with my team.  We haven’t been together for around a year and a half, and it was a family reunion of sorts.  There are new babies, new chapters in our lives, new goals, and a new appreciation for each other.  We made abstract plans and spoke about philosophy.  We laughed.  Everyone stayed later than we intended and it was wonderful. 

There is something about sharing food and company that changes when you remove the food… then it is a meeting or a training session.  What would Thanksgiving Dinner be without food?  How long would your whole family sit at the same table and talk?  If you’re playing a game the game would be a distraction, food is an addition to the conversation somehow.  Food is an expression of culture.  My family has its own traditional foods that most people have never heard of (jello salad with cheddar cheese…YUM!), and I don’t even know where the tradition started.  My mom makes the best gravy EVER and I’ve learned enough to pull off a close second.  Good company and the building of traditions brings us together and solidifies an experience that feeds the soul, not just the body.

I’ve been training for over a year without this kind of love and support, without a coach who is willing to change his whole program for training that day because he knows the look on my face means we need to start with some hard conditioning.  I don’t know if it is the meal that brings the closeness, or the closeness that makes us want the intimacy of the meal, but I know it’s important, and I know I’m happy to have my training family together again.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Confessions of a Control Freak

I went to a psychic once.  I was a little skeptical, until the first thing she said to me was “Oooh, you’re a control freak, Baby.”  Yes, yes I am.  It was pointed out to me today that the desire/ability/whatever to keep control is absolutely necessary as a martial artist.

I step on my scale every morning around 3:30 am.  Sometimes I know I’m not going to like what I see (especially after a night of Chinese Food), but it’s a part of keeping control over my weight.  One sodium-loaded dinner out can mean 4 lbs. of water weight, enough to scare me into eating clean for the rest of the week…  I have a strict diet that requires crazy self-control.   I don’t eat dairy and I rarely eat meat.  I drink water instead of the juice that’s in the ‘fridge for my nephew, I often cook separate meals for my carnivorous family, and I will be abstaining from the cheesecake I have for my husband’s birthday tonight.  It’s a choice, but it’s not really… I’m driven by my goals and a little cheat here and a little cheat there add up to a lot of cheating.  It’s a matter of controlling myself.

As a hot-tempered child, controlling my emotions is a challenge I’ve been working on my whole life.  In a fight, a lack of control over anything is something very dangerous.  If I get angry while sparring I will have an asthma attack.  When I’m calm I can work harder and longer without a problem.

It’s no wonder this need for control has manifested itself in every aspect of my life.  If I make a “frivolous” decision, like Chinese Food, it’s still relatively calculated.  I think “I don’t feel like cooking.  It’s been about a month since I’ve eaten out.  There will be plenty of vegetarian and dairy free options, and it will be nice to have a date with my husband.”  I’m aware that I will be a little sluggish in the morning, but I’ll be up and ready to work before 4 am.  There may or may not be an extra cup of coffee involved…

Sometimes I just need a moment of reflection to understand the rest of the world, which has fewer consequences for minor lapses in self-control…

www.KatieCasimir.com

Ode to Cauliflower Ear

To those outside my sport, I don’t expect you to understand much of what I tell you here, but read on and take a small peek into one of the nuances of fight culture…

Andre Durand Digital Gallery

I recently read an article about an Ancient Roman statue of a pugilist. (He is referred to as a boxer, but I have a feeling he was more like an MMA fighter… check the gloves.)  One of the most fascinating things about this statue is the presence of cauliflower ear.  It was particularly striking to me because my first thought when seeing the picture was “Beautiful!”  That’s a far cry from the thought I had when I first saw the ears of the grappling coach at my first gym, which was “EWWW!”

Cauliflower ear is gross.  Not only does it look gross, it’s basically blood and other fluid that separate the cartilage and then gets hard.  Gross.  It hurts like hell for weeks after you get it, then it just gets hard and you kind of forget it’s there.  Yep, I too have a bit of a thick spot in my left ear.  You don’t notice until I point it out, but it was enough to scare me in to wearing ear protection (the only and most inconvenient prevention).  I must admit that I’m a little proud of the fact that it’s there, it puts me in a club with a lot of elite wrestlers and martial artists.

I think it’s something like neck rings of the Kayan women or the binding of feet in Imperial China, it’s a standard of beauty that is lost on most people outside the culture.  Mine came along by accident, but I had a training partner tell me he’d been trying to get some cauliflower ear since he began wrestling at 6 years old.  Yes, people (usually fighters and wrestlers) TRY to get this deformity.

Having “puffy ears” tells the world you are a fighter.  Everybody has UFC and TapouT gear now, but this is a symbol of hard training, someone who had had significant pain and deformity and never gave up.  It can be drained with little damage if treated soon enough, most repeat cases just let it go… again, I know from experience.  I think that’s why it’s so beautiful to me.  It represents the fighter, the pain and triumph, the moments I experience in the gym that change my life, the camaraderie that fighters share, and mostly the courage it takes to make that step into the cage.  I share all of that with the statue too, it is beautiful.

I know it doesn’t quite sit well with most of the population, and my perspective may not please the medical community.  The same can be said for most pugilistic activity too, but we wear it proudly.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Permission to Quit

I don’t know how to quit.  I don’t even know what that is, quitting.  I’ve trained through some pretty serious injuries, finished a teaching credential I didn’t plan to use, and worked to save relationships that weren’t worth saving, because I’m not a quitter.  Sounds kinda dumb when we say it out loud though…

Our whole lives we are taught not to quit, to finish what we start and honor our commitments.  There is merit in those behaviors, but there is a time and a place for them.  There is also a time to quit.  I read somewhere that people who are not bound by this code of honor are happier and more successful, and I’m starting to see why.  Think of all the things we’ve been told since childhood and have accepted as truth:

“If you quit now, you will always be a quitter!”  My husband quit Gi Jiu Jitsu after receiving his purple belt.  He went on to become one of the top lightweight MMA fighters in Europe before fighting on one of the biggest stages in the United States in the WEC.  That doesn’t sound like someone who’s labeled a “Quitter for Life,” it sounds like someone who followed a new and different dream.  He has recently taken up the Gi again and is finding he enjoys it, I don’t see a downside here.

“If it’s worth starting it’s worth finishing!”  Says the debt I’m still paying off for a degree I’m not using.  Just putting one foot in front of the other, high school, college, career, was not my path, but I took it and I stuck with it.  The classes I enjoyed the most weren’t the classes in my major (Horticulture), they were History, Philosophy, Psychology, and Literature.  I don’t want any of those things for my career either, but they were a lot more fun.  When I discovered fighting, yoga and nutrition were my true passions, I was too blinded by my commitment to make a change.  I have no regrets, but I do see a downside here.

“If you quit, you’ll let your whole team down!”  This week I learned that by not quitting, I was letting my team down.  I suffered an injury at work and was trying my hardest to be a “team player” by not going to the doctor, not filing a claim, and continuing to work.  My boss gently pointed out that if I wasn’t working at full capacity I was hindering the operations of the store.  I didn’t look at it like that, I felt a great relief when he have me permission to go get the rest I needed. 

And so, I too give permission to quit!  With the following exceptions:

1) Parenting, if you have children you better be in for life.

2) Because it’s hard.  Most things worth having don’t come easy, don’t be lazy.

3) Because you failed.  Fix it and go try again.

4) Because someone else wanted you to quit.  You can only give to others when you are satisfied with your own situation.  

I’ve had several well-meaning people ask how much longer I plan on fighting.  The answer has been the same since the day I walked into SLO Kickboxing.  I will fight until it’s not fun anymore, and I will continue to learn and grow as a martial artist for the rest of my life... unless I decide not to.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Innocence Lost

Early in my career I was at a fight show and I witnessed a moment that took a part of my innocence as a fighter and as a person.  A fight can be a beautiful dance or an exciting display of athleticism.  But sometimes it is ugly and you must make ethical decisions that you never planned on making in a split second.  This was the scenario:  Two fighters, neither very experienced, one punched to the point where he was just standing there in a daze, arms hanging by his sides.  In my opinion the fight should have been stopped, but it wasn’t.  The other was unable to react, he was shocked by the state of his opponent and the best he could do was throw a half-hearted head kick.  He was unable to finish a guy who was basically out on his feet.

What would you do?  What would I do? I love to fight, but I love to fight a challenging opponent, not someone who isn’t able to defend themselves.  A true warrior has honor and virtue, yet I am a warrior and I have a job to do.

I have assessed the situation, from a distance, and I have to come to the conclusion that ending the fight as quickly as possible is the kindest and wisest thing to do.  Another round could mean more head trauma and irreparable damage.  Should they recover, they have nothing to lose and become very dangerous, which was what happened in this fight, and the judges scored it a draw.  It was ugly from start to finish, battle is ugly.

I don’t want to trivialize the experience of war, but a fighter must prepare as a soldier.  We must be prepared to take our values and morals and look at them in the context of war.  We must understand that both fighters agreed to this situation, knowing the possible consequences of winning and losing.  Are you OK with breaking a limb and ending someone else’s career?  Or having your career ended because you didn’t submit?

I have a friend who served in Iraq.  At one point he was face to face with a pregnant woman.  She had a grenade in her hand.  What would you do?  What would I do?

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Knowing Me

My dad used to accuse me of vanity when I would spend time in front of the mirror.  I knew better.  I was analyzing, critiquing and studying.  If you know me at all, you know I wasn’t fussing with my hair and make-up.  I was noticing how my freckles changed, that my eyebrows don’t match, and wishing I had a little less angle on my nose.  I guess it might me a little vain in that I have always wanted to know me better.

I have a new mirror now, personality types.  I just discovered that according to The Art of Seduction, I’m a Dandy with some Coquette tendencies.  I’m a Taurus with Taurus rising, a horse (Chinese Zodiac), I’m right brained, IN-TF-J (I confused the Myers Briggs by being a feeler and a thinker) and I’m a bear hunter (that’s my own metaphor, maybe I’ll write about that another day).  I love personality tests.  Sometimes they surprise me, sometimes they flatter me, sometimes I agree, sometimes not, but I always get to know me a little better.  I find it most beneficial when I see something I want to develop or some weakness I need to turn into a strength.  Conveniently enough, these tests usually come with advice too...

My husband and I work the same techniques and work to create a new game and a new strategy.  We are both counter-fighters, so I had to wonder why it was working so much better for him.  When I discovered that I’m a hunter and he’s a fisher, it all made sense.  I can now stop fighting my nature and adapt my game for that.  Understanding Mars & Venus has made my marriage a little smoother. Discovering that as a “Dandy” people like that I speak my mind, and that makes me more comfortable in my own skin.  We all have our own qualities to appreciate and help us contribute to society, if we categorize and identify them or not.  I'm sure more than one of those types I fit into will tell you that I like to analyze EVERYTHING.

My husband says we are mirrors for each other, we spend hours speaking about philosophy, psychology, strategy and theory, but it all comes down to looking in the mirror… I guess we’re both vain.  Sun Tzu said in the Art of War “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”  There is value in knowing yourself. 

I can tell you all of this, and it’s only a small piece of Katie.  There’s no way you can see the fire in my eyes when I learn something new, no way you can know the depths of my determination, or know what will build me up or break me down.  Only my mirrors and I know me that well.

www.KatieCasimir.com

For My Grandma

My Grandma taught me a lot while she was here.  I want to share some of that in honor of her beautiful spirit and the amazing family she raised and kept together.

1.       You are never too old or too small to do anything.

2.       You can eat soup all year long.

3.       Your world is all a matter of perception.  If you believe it is lovely, it is lovely.

4.       You can make a healthier grilled cheese by putting cheese on your bread in the toaster oven.

5.       Make your spouse #1 if you want to have a happy marriage.

6.       Handicaps do not define you.

7.       If you have the time, volunteer.

8.       Make things with the children in your life.

9.       Read.

10.   Believe you are the belle of the ball, for your whole life.

11.   Love.

12.   You don’t have to be Hispanic to have a piñata for every holiday.  Have one because it’s fun!

13.   Do good things for others when no one is looking.

14.   You can’t have too many pairs of shoes.

15.   Be proud of your family, because they are all awesome people.

16.   Have opinions and let them be known, it gives you character.

17.   When someone takes the time to write to you, write back.

18.   Keep a sense of humor, life is very funny.

19.   Appreciate the little things, and express it.

20.   She lost her hearing in WWII, she lost two children (one way too young, one not so long ago), and she lost the love of her life when my grandfather passed 30 years ago.  She never lost her faith in God or her love for life as a result of tragedy, instead she let her faith be her comfort and never stopped counting her blessings.

Thank you Grandma for your strength and courage, my family, my middle name, my great legs, and all the beautiful moments we shared.  I love you.

Elevated Expectations

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them 

- Michael Jordan

I think Michael Jordan is one of the few people that can truly understand why I’m so hard on myself.  I don’t believe I have limits.  The fact that I fight two weight classes below everyone I rolled with today is no excuse for my poor performance.  Neither is the fact that I am just coming back after three months off.  I expect to be better than I am, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I am driven by my expectations.  I’m never surprised by my accomplishments, and I don’t savor them for too long.  There are always new expectations, mistakes to fix, and more work to do.  My true objective is forever moving just past the horizon, and I am forever believing I should already be there.  Sometimes that leaves me out behind the gym crying from frustration, but there are those moments when I touch that horizon and there is a light in me that defies explanation.  I live for those moments.

 Tonight there will be more training.  I will put my confidence back on course, put my body a little closer to fight shape, and continue to raise my expectations.  And I will love every minute of it.

Don’t be afraid to set expectations for yourself, and set them high.  You are only delusional if you are not ready to put the work in to get there.  EVERYTHING is possible with faith, hard work, and perseverance.  

www.KatieCasimir.com

Work Smarter

Testing myself this weekend was EVERYTHING.  I wasn't perfect, but I was good, and I was everything I wanted to be.  My mind, body, and spirit were in the right place and I was ready.  Winning the tournament was secondary to being my best Katie, and showing my students that what I teach them is what I do.  Who would have thought tearing my hamstring was the best thing that could have happened for my career?

The more I look back on my time off, the more I value it.  In this sport you always have to be ready.  Fights seem to show up on short notice, when they show up at all.  I’m never far from fight ready.  I train 5-6 days a week and I’m working the days I’m not training because I have ends to meet, and taking time off could mean missing an opportunity to fight.

When I got a reasonable offer for a fight, I was off to do everything I could to be my best.  I was starting work at 4am, then training 2-3 times a day.  I was killing myself.  The body is NOT meant to do that.  I was getting a new minor injury every other day until my hamstring stopped me in my tracks…

My husband told me, for your next fight, we will train smarter.  I see now that he is right.  This time off has made me better.  Much better.  I kept my mind working the entire time and rather than adding more pieces to my puzzle, I made a picture with the ones that I have.  I found some holes and I’m filling them in.

Sometimes we run around like crazy because we are compensating for something.  Something like a lack of preparation, organization, or confidence.  Sometimes it’s a better use of time and resources to just step back and assess what is actually necessary, and work on that. 

www.KatieCasimir.com

I'm Not Afraid

My sister and I make each other laugh until we cry.  We find a way to step up when the other needs anything.  We have been a symbiotic support system for 33 years.  It’s a closeness that defies explanation, 100% unconditional love.  Love that is without condition is the most powerful force on earth.  I’m not afraid to be my worst, so with her I am able to be my best.

I found the same feeling with my training today.  I love being a martial artist.  There is no fear of a bad performance. (It hasn't happened yet)  I can only be my best when I let go of the fear of being my worst.  So I let go today, if only for a moment, and it was amazing!

I decided to do a grappling tournament, that I haven’t trained for, just for fun.  No pressure, no expectations, just a little test of my skills.  My sister will be there, like always, encouraging me with her unconditional love, and I will be my best.

On our way to weigh-ins late April 2013

www.KatieCasimir.com

Are You Enough?

When the cage door closes, all you have is you.  Everyone else has pushed you as far as they can.  Your coach can yell until his voice is gone, but you are not a marionette.  YOU must chose, YOU must feel, YOU must act.  Yet the cage feels full, not lonely, because you are enough.  You have to be.

I have what seems to be an unusual training history in that I’ve always had a lot of one on one time with my coaches.  I love the constant feedback and the comfort of knowing my coach is there every step of the way.  It’s easy to become dependent on the advice and experience of someone you’ve trusted in that role.  And then, one month before my last fight, my coach moved out of the state.  I have to admit there was a moment of panic.  I need someone to push me harder than I can push myself, so I did, because when the cage door closes all you have is you.

I didn’t feel abandoned, I felt empowered.  I could do this.  I ran my own camp.  I told my training partners what I needed, I cut to 115 lbs for the first time, and I put myself in the best physical condition of my life.  I didn’t do it alone, but I took all the responsibility, for better or worse.  Now, as I look ahead to the next couple of months, I’m excited to do it all again.  My training situation has once again changed, but I know that I am enough.  I have to be.

Sometimes we are our only resource.  When you find that moment where failure is not an option, where you have no choice but to look inside yourself for the answer, you might be surprised what you find.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Finding the Right Coach

Oh here we go… “I have someone I want you to meet, really cool person and I think you guys will be perfect for each other!”  Then they proceed to list the credentials of your potential life partner.  We all know that just because someone looks good on paper does not mean it’s going to be a good match.  It’s the same when you’re looking for a trainer or coach.

Me, my coach Ivan, and my husband & ground coach Bendy

Someone can have a great reputation, have several fighters in major organizations, and somehow you find yourself getting worse instead of better.  How is this possible?  Well let’s think about failed relationships in general and we’ll probably find the answer.

He’s just not that into you.  If he’s got a lot of demands on his time, he may not be as available as you would like.  Maybe it’s other fighters, family and business needs, or just a general lack of interest in you.  Whatever the reason if your needs aren’t being met, it’s not worth waiting around for things to change… because they won’t.  (Mind you, some trainers will begin with this tactic to test your dedication, but a few months in this should be obvious to you and you should be getting what you need.)

I really love him but…. If there’s a “but” there’s a problem.  Maybe it’s no stimulation, no work ethic, or poor communication.  If you’ve given it a good solid effort and it’s not working, sometimes love isn’t enough.

And then there’s the clinger.  This one wants your devotion and attention night and day.  You’re getting better, but you can’t stand to be around them when you’re not training. (I’m sure you can insert your own metaphor here.)  I don’t know why, but these guys tend to be really good teachers, and it’s so tempting to stay!

It’s all I know.  When you’ve been with the same person for enough time, they just become part of who you are.  Maybe you feel like you don’t have a better option.  Things could have been great in the beginning, but the same routine is slowly draining your love of the sport.

The worst scenario is when you start to suspect abuse.  Both emotional and physical abuse disguise themselves very well in martial arts.  The idea that this is your Sensei, Master, or Kru, makes you think that it’s for your growth as a fighter and a person.  When you’re a 115lb fighter with a 180lb coach, he should not be giving you bloody noses on a daily basis.  These coaches also tend to be very good and can be the hardest to leave.

Leaving a coach can be way harder than leaving a significant other.  You’ve spent countless hours with this person, given them your heart and soul, and trusted them with your dreams.  Most of the time they have given the same to you.

And then, sometimes they leave you.  Maybe they move, stop training, or send you to another coach.  A good coach, like a good partner will want what’s best for you, even if that means letting you go.  Maybe their needs have changed, maybe they see they can’t meet yours anymore.  You can understand, but it hurts.  Every time I’ve gone through a break-up I always tell myself there’s someone better.  There was a reason for the relationship, and a reason it’s over.

And then we’re back to “There’s someone you should meet…”  And sometimes it works out.  You find the perfect balance of give and take, compassion and tough love, enjoying each other’s company and respecting their space.  You find your growth together is limitless.  That’s the one you keep for life.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Leap of Faith

Today I feel like a child on the edge of a diving board.  I want to jump more than anything, I want to go back to training at full capacity.  I was strong enough to climb the ladder, courageous enough to walk to the edge, but jumping is another story.  I don’t want to re-injure my hamstring, this has been a long, painful climb back and I’m not too eager to go through it again.  A physical therapist told me that when I think I’m ready to go back to training, wait two more weeks.  What does that mean if I’m pretty sure I’m ready, but I’m scared?

No one is ever really ready to leave security for the unknown.  There are good reasons to stay safe, and good reasons for risk.  I think at some point your thirst for satisfaction will drive you toward your risk, or your fear will confine you in your safety, and there is a moment where you no longer have a choice.  That moment on the edge of the diving board.  Is the water really so scary?  You wouldn't have climbed that ladder if you didn't know how to swim.

 As humans our imagined fears have a greater influence on our behavior than those we can identify.  We know the result of climbing back down to safety, some humiliation, some regret as we watch the others happily doing what we know we could have, and we think maybe, when we’re ready we’ll try again.  What we don’t know is what happens when our feet leave the diving board, maybe you land on your back on the water (ouch), maybe you hit your head on the diving board (OUCH!), maybe there’s something else that we never even thought of…. or maybe everything will be fine.

I have awesome training partners that will take good care of me, I know my limits and have my ego in check.  Sitting on the sidelines is not my style and it’s making me crazy.  My sport is a dangerous one, but it’s funny, I’m never worried about getting hurt, unless I’m already hurt.  Things can always go wrong, especially when you focus on things going wrong…  I know I’m not 100% healed, and I know that getting myself back in fight shape is going to hurt, but at some point I have to make that choice to start.

Sometimes you’re ready and sometimes not, the only way to find out is to jump.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Ego Trippin'

Forgive me, but I’m about to become a self-centered bitch (and I use that word in its purest metaphorical sense).  There is that moment when you realize you’re going to fight and the world shifts.  I need to eat when it’s time to eat, sleep when it’s time to sleep, and train and work and EVERYTHING else needs to take a back seat.  It sounds a little totally self-absorbed, but anyone who pretends they don’t react this way is lying.  No I’m not saving lives or defending the universe, but it’s fight time and I’m not worried about making everyone else happy.

Long Beach Fight Night May 6 ,2012

I was living with my sister before my first fight and at one point she took a deep breath and said “Who are you?”  Years later she did her first triathlon, and she called me and said “Kate, I get it.”  She knew she needed to eat, and everyone was worried about waiting for so and so, and cooking, and chatting.  She needed to eat.  She had an extremely taxing race coming the next day, and she knew the consequences of not handling her business.  When I wrote about fear motivating you in the right direction this is exactly what I’m talking about.

I now have weight to make, a diet I need to keep, a training camp to plan, and I still need to work and take care of my family.  Oh yeah, and I’m starting from zero after three months of recovery.  I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I live for this.  These crazy nerves, training to the point of exhaustion, growing as a human being and as a fighter, feeling the love and support of my training partners and family, I’m on a roller coaster for the next three months.  And I am SO ready.

This feeling is one of the reasons I love to fight.  When we are caught up in our responsibilities and day to day routines it is almost impossible to take time for ourselves, to put ourselves first.  My needs are a priority, and when I’m blessed with the opportunity to fight, I make them one.

www.KatieCasimir.com

A Bit of Inspiration

This time last year I had my heart set on a move to the North East.  While I was getting everything together my husband and I joined a new academy and found a new home.  A huge part of that has been the Agabin family.  We started trading kneebar classes with the three boys for mitt work with their dad, Coach June Bug.  It quickly ceased to be a trade, we have all become deeply invested in each other’s success, and the inspiration that I get from each of the boys is worth more than the technique we teach them.

C.J., Matthew, and Isaac

Matthew is the youngest, he trains and competes with joy.  He is just happy to be participating.  Don’t be deceived, the little guy has crazy heart and goes for the win 100%, but he’s smiling the whole time. He’s small for his age and usually fights kids twice his size, that doesn't faze him one bit.  As adults I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and forget to love what we do.  Training is not a chore, it’s a pleasure.  Imagine if we could capture that attitude towards life, parenting, work… No, he doesn't have the bills and the pressures we do, but those things will be there whether we chose to live with joy or not.

Isaac is in the middle and inspires me with his confidence and demeanor.  I laugh when I see him compete because he stops being a kid the minute he steps on the mat.  He knows what he needs to do and he will do it, there is no doubt.  He is so talented he plays with most of his opponents, but he approaches his tough opponents with the same confidence.  Like Isaac, we have to know that there is nothing we can’t do, no challenge we can’t look square in the face and say “I got this.”

C.J., the oldest, is diligent, smart, and efficient.  He shows up ready to work and doesn't stop until the job is done.  He knows his best skills, and he knows when and how to use them.  He’s not looking for the easy way, he’s looking for the right way, a picture of what I wrote in 10,000.  Things don’t always come easy for him, but that makes no difference, he will overcome.  There is little value in the things that come easy.  Goals are accomplished by putting one foot in front of the other, then lowering your shoulder and continuing to push when things get hard.

Agabin Trophy Case

What I've written doesn't even do justice to their amazing personalities or the beautiful dynamic they have as a family.  I just wanted to share the way they inspire me in hopes of inspiring you too.  Success is built on joy, confidence, and diligence, and believe me the Agabin brothers have some success!

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Letting Go

I love cheese.  I mean LOVE cheese, and ice cream, and cheesecake, and I gave it up last April.  I had chronic sinus infections for years.  After the most powerful antibiotics known to man, three surgeries and every natural cure I could find, I read that dairy could be a major contributor to my problem.  So I made a firm decision to give it up for two months, if I didn't notice a difference I would go back to my regular diet.  As much as I was hoping it wouldn't work… it did.  After two weeks I noticed a difference, and have been feeling better ever since.  What I wasn't expecting was the change in my body.  I lost ten lbs. Gone. For months now, and I've never had much fluctuation in my weight.  I diet hard for my fights, and within three weeks I creep back to my normal weight.  And now I've stabilized ten pounds lighter.

Letting go of something you love isn't easy. If you realize that it’s bringing negativity into your life you have an important choice to make.  You can ignore what you've seen and carry on, or you can let go.  There’s no in-between.  At first you will notice the obvious improvement, negative factor removed.  Then the real magic starts.  Your life will be filled with beautiful things you never expected.

I met a woman today who told me that she started noticing the negative speech of her extended family.  She was afraid of the repercussions, but she just couldn't hear it anymore.  She put a few of the worst offenders out of her life and she said the rest just went away too.  Negative factors removed, but now she says she meets the most amazing positive people everywhere she goes.  Her life became better, times two.

We only have so many hours in the day, and so much energy to give. When you let go of anything that is holding you back, that time and energy will find a better place to spend itself.  Are you ready?

www.KatieCasimir.com

How to Get a Perfect Body

Is there such a thing as a perfect body?  I've had coaches ask me how tall I am, and from there inform me what weight I need to be to fight.  Most people believe a tall, lean body is ideal (for martial arts as well the fashion industry).  I hate to admit it but I started my martial arts career wishing for a different body.  Then I met Darby Evans, one of the best coaches I've ever come into contact with.  He taught me how to use angles and close distance, basically he taught me how to fight with my body at any weight.

You can quote me on this, "Your disadvantages are only disadvantages until you learn to use them to your advantage."  (If you don’t believe me check out Baxter Humby or Nick Newell.  Both of these guys are amazingly talented fighters who only have one arm.)  Having long limbs can present a significant advantage for striking, but so does a low center of gravity, i.e. my short thick legs, or having a good sense of timing, or great endurance.  It’s about appreciating what you have and learning to make the most of it.  Often your competitors will seek to exploit your obvious weaknesses, with that knowledge you can develop your strategy.

It breaks my heart when I hear women say, “I wish I had a body like Heidi Klum” when they’re built like Marilyn Monroe.  All the diet and exercise in the world will never make that happen.  We must work every day to be our best selves and love ourselves for the effort.  If you are strong, be strong.  If you are fast, be fast.  If you are smart, be smart, and if you want to be strong, work hard to be stronger.  If you want to be fast, work hard to be faster.  Self-improvement will take you to your ultimate potential, self-pity and self-loathing will hold you back.

Your body is already perfect, it’s just waiting for your heart and mind to get on board.

www.KatieCasimir.com

My Take on the Belt System

“So, are you like, a black belt?”  Nope.  I’m a white belt in everything.  Except of course, Muay Thai, Boxing, grappling, you know the sports which most closely translate into MMA. They don’t have belts.  It used to frustrate me because I’ve put years into my training, and somehow that doesn’t mean as much to the common observer as a belt color that they probably don’t understand anyway.  Now it’s become one of those questions I answer with one word “nope” and let them ponder why not.

In theory it’s good.  If you put the time and work in you will receive a visible merit, which will distinguish you in any academy within your discipline.  Anyone holding a lower belt will show you the respect deserved, as you will respect those with belts higher than your own.  To achieve the level of black belt is recognized as a major accomplishment and is deserving of the highest level of respect.

My first problem with this is it is an entirely extrinsic motivation, in one of the most personal, internal endeavors I have ever encountered.  People are highly motivated by these things, to a point.  We want the respect and recognition that comes with titles, President, Director, Master.  Title is everything.  How many times will you be passed up for a promotion before your motivation will give out?  Maybe your boss or your master doesn’t recognize your talent or hard work. Or if it’s only a matter of showing up every day, people will, at some point see the lack of actual accomplishment and drop out.   If you are motivated only by your desire to improve and grow, these things will not discourage you.

The more time I spend in martial arts, the less respect I have for the whole belt system.  Some schools give out black belts like toys in Happy Meals (to quote Chael Sonnen).  Other schools let students remain in the same rank for years so they will win competitions in those divisions and bring trophies and recognition to the school.  Jiu-jitsu has age limits on belt levels (ex. You must be 19 to receive your black belt) and Judo requires that you must compete at the highest levels to attain the highest belts, while some disciplines have 12-year-olds testing for their 10^th degree black belt.  I fully respect the rank of black belt, and those people who truly deserve that honor. But honestly I would have that same respect for those people if they held lower belts because of their dedication, knowledge and passion for their discipline.

I was told once that the original martial arts only had two belts. White and Black.  I don’t know if this is true, but I like the idea.  You are a student until you are a master, and when you are truly a master you are always a student.  You build your reputation with your skill and determination… Something like Muay Thai, boxing, grappling, and Mixed Martial Arts.

www.KatieCasimir.com

10,000

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”  -Bruce Lee

Ok, there it is, the “magic pill” for martial arts.  Find a technique that makes sense to you and drill it, and do it again, and do it until it is instinct and not technique.  Practice the basic principles and the advanced technique.  Teach it.  Learn it so that you always have an answer to any problem you are given.  Then practice it some more.  This is not fun per say, but it’s fun when you nail it in competition.  It’s fun when you become recognized around the world for being the best at it.  It’s fun when your opponent knows what you're going to do and still can't stop you. 

We all know one of those people who changed their major 7 times in college, or has a new soul mate every other month.  Commitment can look stifling when you consider all your options.  However, like choosing a career path or life partner, making a commitment is the only way (save a lot of luck) to attain what we truly desire.  I find more freedom in marriage than I did before I met my husband.  I’m free to make mistakes and fix them.  I’m free to grow into the person I want to be.  Likewise when I chose a career in martial arts, I knew I was moving in the right direction.  I want to be doing what I do every day.  And I do it every day, even if I don’t feel like it, because I never finish a training session and say “That was a waste of time…”  I have 10,000 dreams, and I have chosen one to peruse 10,000%

There is no substitute for hard work, but if you work with focus and purpose, your hard work will take you farther than you can ever imagine.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Vices

I once heard that no one should step on a scale except boxers and jockeys.  I support this 100%.  Maybe I’m a little hypocritical in that because I fall into one of those two categories, but the fact remains I need to be in control of more than how my clothes fit and what I see when I look in the mirror.  As you can imagine, the idea of trying not to obsess about your weight while maintaining a constant awareness of it can be maddening.  It all comes down to self-control and character.

Self-control and character.  It’s easy for me to turn down a cookie at work.  Everyone there respects what I do and I’m praised for my will power.  I don’t have that same accountability when I’m home alone.  Every moment is a choice, will I do the right thing when no one is watching?  Am I practicing what I’m preaching?  One cookie will not change the outcome of my “weigh-in” the next morning and it certainly won’t affect my weight at my official weigh-in.  It will make me a liar.  That does not go without consequences.  Chances are good that it won’t stop at one cookie even if it’s only one cookie that day.  My integrity has been compromised.  There’s the disappointment in myself, and the stomach ache (from the sugar) that will follow.  None of this is healthy, but it gets pushed a little further to the back of my mind with every cookie.

We’re all human.  We want things that are bad for us, and we don’t want the consequences.  We know we shouldn't do certain things, so we try to escape the judgment of others, and we do those things in the dark.  Whether or not anyone sees our misconduct, it happened and the consequences are there.  My consequences will be on display for everyone.  Missing weight would be humiliating, and have serious consequences on my career, not to mention losing a percentage of my purse.  The consequences of sneaking a cigarette out of the view of your children may never come to light, but if you think your lack of integrity on this won’t show up in other areas, you are mistaken.  And by he way, people know, especially your children.

 I have found that I have success by creating some accountability for myself.  I keep one treat in the cabinet, and I can have it any time up until two weeks before weigh-in.  It’s the only treat I can have in that time and I usually don’t end up eating it.  I always ask myself “Do I need this more today than I will later?”  Usually the answer is no.  My integrity is not compromised because it’s in my rules, and I don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying it, if I chose to.  I feel better about the whole situation.

Being honest about your vices can be humiliating, but it’s the only way to have any control over them.  It starts with being honest with yourself.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Trade Secrets

There’s no such thing as a secret move in martial arts.  As soon as you use it in competition, it’s not a secret anymore.  Yet fighters hoard their best stuff like that ring in that movie.  I understand the mentality.  I used keep my secrets, and I had coaches that made me feel like I would be betraying them to do otherwise.  A few things have happened in my life to change that. 

My husband, will teach anyone who is willing to learn the secrets of his kneebar game.  He has spent years putting it together, testing, reworking, researching, testing etc. and he will give that away.  It may seem foolish, but if he only has one mind working on the project it will take exponentially longer to find perfection than if he has two.  We all have different ideas, different bodies, different perspectives, and different observations.  If we share them we can all grow together.  We teach a kids class specifically for kneebars, and we learn as much from the kids as they do from us. 

The greatest fighters don’t usually create anything new, they just become very good at a specific skill set which works well for their body type, fighting style, and opponents.  I don’t think Wanderlei Silva has a “secret punch”.  He knows the same basic punches they teach in cardio kickboxing.  He knows how to use them to make himself one of the greatest ever.  He differentiated himself with his fearless aggressive style, not a specific move.

I've heard that you retain 90% of what you teach.  I’m not sure I've ever seen the research, but I know teaching is certainly a test of your knowledge (you can B.S. your students, but you know if you’re lost).  What better way to refine your skill than to teach it to someone else? Lose the fear that someone will teach it to your future opponent and keep growing yourself.  Lose the fear that people will discover your weaknesses, and be grateful for the opportunity to become stronger. 

In business, sports, and life, don’t look at your innovations like a precious ring.  Instead think of them as seeds that will grow and bloom and create new seeds.  In that way you will achieve immortality.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Some Thoughts on Motivation

“What motivates you?” That was the best question I've ever been asked in an interview.  I wasn't prepared.  I pulled a quote from the only useful motivational speech I've ever heard.  “To be a little better than I was yesterday.”  I learned in that moment, that is the principle of Kaizen, a philosophy I hold dear, but it’s not what motivates me.  I guess the answer worked, because I got the job.   More importantly, I believe the question changed my life as I began to search for the answer.

I think most people define their motivation (if they define it at all) extrinsically.  I want to be champion.  I want to be my boss’s boss.  I want to be the best parent ever.  If these things motivate you, to what length?  Would you take performance enhancing drugs?  Step on your friends and colleagues to get ahead? Kill a girl that made the cheer squad over your daughter?  There’s nothing wrong with extrinsic motivation, but I think you must define the whole picture or you can drastically miss your mark.

That motivational speech to which I referred, the man was a millionaire.  His greatest accomplishment was to be successful as a parent, husband and friend.  He also said that no matter what he forgot when he left home, it could be shipped or replaced, the only exception was his integrity.  This was a man who had his goals and his motivation defined and separated.

I define my motivation as this: I want to be a person I can be proud of.  I want to be a person that awkward eight-year-old tomboy Katie is ecstatic that she grew up to be.  I’m a professional athlete, how cool is that?  I work hard, and don’t cut corners.  I’m devoted to my family, my integrity is intact.  I speak my truth, and I truly care more about being myself than what other people think of me.  I think I have found coherence in that, and when I achieve my goals, I will still have the same motivation.  This goes back to my original answer, Kaizen.  Every day I try to make that eight-year-old a little prouder.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On My Transformation from a Fighter to a Martial Artist

The first time I saw the Wai Khru Ram Muay, I was at a Muay Thai show in Southern California.   I thought it was a very captivating dance.  However the 17^th time I saw it that night I just wanted them to get on with the fights.  At the time I was not a martial artist, I was an athlete who was becoming a fighter.  I found all the pomp and circumstance a little ritualistic and even silly.  Why would you bow before you step on the mat?  I’m paying to be here…  No shoes on the mat?  I get that, it’s sanitary.  Respect your sparring partners?  That’s just being a good person.  I’m not here for formalities, I’m here to train and compete.

I've been an athlete in my heart since my first track meet in kindergarten.  My growth and understanding in becoming a martial artist has been a long journey.  My basketball skills have given me good footwork, but have done little to improve my spirit.

I honestly can’t say where the shift in my mentality began.  I've always sworn by the benefits of yoga for fighters.  It is essential for balance in your life and joint alignment.  Over time, I recognized the benefits of getting my energy moving before training.  Or maybe it was the day my coach began to teach us about using energy to block punches.  I noticed the change when I began putting on a gi regularly and learning a traditional martial art (Judo) for the first time.  Little by little the things I was seeing were changing my mind and easing my fears that I was using some kind of witchcraft.  I am open to all the mysteries God has created in the universe, and I believe martial arts is one of the last places to teach and embrace them.

The more I think about it, we are a society of ritualists.  We say the pledge of allegiance every morning in classrooms.  Parents have nightly routines to get their children to bed.  I even had a ritual ball bouncing sequence before shooting a free-throw or serving a volleyball.  I believe it is a method of clearing your mind, a moment of meditation.  It removes anxiety, as we know what’s coming next.

I now take pleasure in bowing before and after I step on the mat.  It is a show of respect for a place that has become my second home.  It is a show of respect for my instructors and my training partners.  It is a show of respect for me and for my art.  I regret that I never learned the Ram Muay, but I’m now taking that as an example to find my own prefight ritual, including bowing to my opponent.  

www.KatieCasimir.com

What Fighters Fear Most

When I was in the 8^th grade, Elk Creek High School started a new tradition.  The Jr. High Cheerleaders would perform with the High School Cheerleaders for the Homecoming pep rally and game.  There, at the pep rally, before I was even in high school, in front of everyone, I forgot the cheer.  I froze.  I felt helpless.  I pulled it together and made it into the final formation, but it was one of the most mortifying experiences of my whole life.  I still remember that cheer.  (And don’t laugh at me for being a cheerleader, I had good reasons and I might have to beat you up…)

That my friends, is what fighters are afraid of.  Not losing, not getting hurt, not a bouncing check from the promoter, we are afraid we will mess up.  We are afraid that we won’t do what we know we can.  We are afraid that we won’t be prepared enough, that we didn’t do enough cardio, enough sparring, and that we didn’t fix all our weaknesses.  Basically we're afraid of sucking.

We’re afraid of letting our coaches, teammates, and families down.  We’re afraid we’ll let ourselves down.  Everyone important to us invests so much into one moment, we don’t want that to be for nothing.  We want a performance we can be proud of.  We want to exceed everyone’s expectations and quiet those who didn’t believe we could/should do it.

I believe this fear is our most powerful motivator.   UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones expressed this as “there's nothing wrong with having butterflies (in your stomach), as long as you can get those butterflies to fly in formation.”  It’s a good thing.  My Dad once gave me a gift, and I will give it to you:

"The pain of working hard is nothing compared to the pain of losing because you did not work hard enough."

Let your fear make you work hard enough. 

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Strength through Vulnerability

Floyd Patterson once said he wished had another fighter to talk to about losing.  I find that to be one of the deepest connections I have with my husband.  There are so many things that we hide in our hearts.  I am fortunate to have a few people in my life with whom I can bare my soul, but they can’t relate to the emotions and reactions I have to the most important aspect of my life.

We as a society see vulnerability as weakness, and are ready to attack.  As fighters we also have the additional pressure of a general lack of approval for our activities.  My parents are quick to encourage me toward retirement, and many see what we do as barbaric or they are envious of our freedom and courage.  So we wear an untouchable persona and barely admit weakness to ourselves.   How do you drag yourself to the gym on your worst days?  I tell myself that I am strong and powerful and today is just another test of that.

Here is the duality: When you can safely acknowledge your insecurities and fears, and they are validated, and you are encouraged past them, it is empowering beyond explanation.   Through audacity, regarding my vulnerability, I become invincible.

I have discovered that most of us experience the same emotions, just through different filters.  That has freed me to speak openly about all my emotions, especially those related to fighting.  Sometimes you can see the relief when someone learns that they are not alone in their feelings and experiences.  Sometimes they are excited to share ideas, and sometimes they will keep you out, so as not to accept any weakness themselves.

I find my peace and strength in knowing I have the courage to express and confront my weaknesses.  If you’re having a less than beautiful emotion in a situation, chances are that someone else has been there too.  If you expose your soul, you can find the strength to make changes you could never make if you were to remain protected.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Losing

Listen up.  I’m only going to talk about this once.  The fact is in every fight you have a winner, and a loser.  Losing can have a devastating effect on a fighter's psyche, or can inspire greatness.  Sometimes I think I was lucky to lose my first fight, I learned fast that it’s not the end of the world.  Nobody wants to lose, but I think the fear of losing is much worse than when it actually happens.

My 1st kickboxing fight, my 1st loss

Say what you want about the laws of attraction, it never even entered my mind that I wouldn't win my first fight.  I had been training for years, with several other fights falling through.  I was not intimidated that my opponent had fought four times before our fight, or the fact that she was five inches taller.  I have always considered myself the little engine that could, but I ran out of steam in the first round… Nothing can prepare you for the adrenaline and the intensity of the first round of your first fight.   Years of training went right out the window and I was swinging like an angry Donald Duck. 

I confirmed that night what I already knew.  I was a fighter.   I was so exhausted I could barely keep my hands up, but I kept coming forward and I never gave up.  For that I felt like I had a victory.  The promoter came to me in the locker room, ecstatic about our performance and asked if I was interested in a rematch on his next card.  I felt pretty validated at this point.  I went out into the crowd to meet up with my friends and I ran into my opponent.  I liked her, we made plans to get some training together after our next fight and a couple of fans came to take pictures with us.  I was hooked on the whole experience.

The next day the adrenaline was gone and the reality was there.  I lost.  I wasn't supposed to lose.  The next couple weeks were hard.  And then I found my motivation.  I had clearly won the 1^st round, if my cardio didn't fail me, I would win this rematch.  I didn't have anything to prove to anyone but myself and I started my career long lesson about sport specific conditioning.  The funny thing is, that was my opponent’s last fight.  She got injured before our rematch, and she was done with competition.  Everyone said she had the best fight of her career that night, I guess that satisfied something in her spirit.

I learned a lot from that loss, and every loss I've had since.  I always believe a fight is an opportunity to test myself, test my growth, and learn more about myself.  I learn from every fight, but when things go your way it’s hard not to look past your mistakes, because everything worked out in the end. The trick is finding a way to embrace a loss without embracing losing.

Failure sucks, there’s no denying that.  But how you deal with your failure is what defines you as a person.  Will it cause you to change and grow?  Or will it break your spirit?  The good news is we get to choose.  It’s unfortunate that so much of our value as a fighter is placed on a record, because sometimes you win a fight, but you lose.  Then sometimes you lose a fight, but you win and there’s no way a set of numbers can ever represent the most valuable moments in your career.  So we must keep them in our hearts, and keep moving forward.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Confessions From the Right Brain

When I’m in the car with my husband for any good length of time and there has been a significant amount of silence, one of us will always ask “What are you thinking?”  My husband says “Nothing,” which I know means “Kneebars.”  I’m usually planning my audition song for American Idol or imagining my “FreshAir” interview with Terry Gross before my first Invicta FC fight.  I have a confession to make.  I’m a dreamer, 100% right brained.

I come across as an organized, detail oriented, planner.  I was good in school, I love efficiency, and I present myself well.  In truth, I was not a good student as a child.  I was always talking and daydreaming.  I was smart enough, but if I didn't like what I was doing, I would just “check out.”

At some point I began using my creativity to manipulate the details.  With this I learned how you can have maximum reward with minimum input.  This creativity with details and principles in combination with a good work ethic has made me a pretty successful human being.  The cliché of thinking outside the box has never really applied to me… I live outside the box.

Whether it’s work, training, or my family life, I have a plan.  My “planning” is an expression of a dream, laid out to be improvised.  It’s how I function in a left brain society.  For me it is an exercise in thinking inside the box.   I hate to admit it, but it makes my life exponentially better and easier.

I wonder about left brainers though…  If our society fits right in with their way of life how often are they forced into my world?  How many chose to venture that way on their own?  Taking in “culture” at an art gallery or the theater is not the same as creating something for yourself.

My left brained father was always looking for ways to Kaizen his high school classes and he writes poetry.  For my left brained husband, he spends hours putting pieces together, from every discipline, for his kneebar game.  I think this is a key to finding balance.  We have to live where we are, and take the best of the other side of our brain.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On My Cookie Butter Epiphany

I don’t work for a grocery store; I work for the grocery store.  In case you live under a rock (or in another country), Trader Joe's is like Disneyland for the “foodie.” It’s famous for unique, high quality products, at a great value.  We have the coolest employees anywhere and we want to be a bright spot in your day.  Now the bad news, we currently have an extremely popular product that is in short supply.  This situation has given me a good hard look at the difference between wanting and coveting.  

Thou shalt not covet.  Unlike the other commandments, this one doesn't speak about physical behavior. It’s about what’s in your heart.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines covet as feeling a “blameworthy desire (for that which is another’s).”  This is different than to want.  I want a lot of things, but that want does not affect me or those around me in a negative way.  And should it cross that line, it’s time to check my thoughts and put things in perspective.

The customers that covet the product are obsessed with other jars, the ones that are beyond the quantity they are allowed to buy.  They count the jars in other customer’s carts.  They “sneak” back in to the store to buy more, and they lie.   They even involve their children.  They cry and/or yell over this sugary condiment.  At first my co-workers and I found this behavior amusing, but the weight of the negativity has crept in and become a presence in our work environment. 

And then there are customers that want the product. They line up outside the store at 6:30 am with their Starbucks, and make new friends with the other customers that are waiting to buy the same product. They make pleasant banter with the employees as they arrive.  The limited supply becomes a game or a goal to be attained, and they are ready to put in the work.

When “wanting” crosses the line to “coveting” there is a change in your energy and the energy of those with whom you interact.  Our thoughts are very powerful, and when we find something we want passionately, we need to be aware of some things:  Am I looking at my objective or am I looking at someone who has already attained it?  Do I look at their story with resentment or for guidance?  Most importantly, how does thinking about my objective make me feel?

To desire is to be alive.  When we can harness our desires, they will drive us to a better place.  Enjoy the ride.

www.KatieCasimir.com