Floyd Patterson once said he wished had another fighter to talk to about losing.
I find that to be one of the deepest connections I have with my
husband. There are so many things that
we hide in our hearts. I am fortunate to
have a few people in my life with whom I can bare my soul, but they can’t
relate to the emotions and reactions I have to the most important aspect of my
life.
We as a society see vulnerability as weakness, and are ready
to attack. As fighters we also have the additional
pressure of a general lack of approval for our activities. My parents are quick to encourage me toward
retirement, and many see what we do as barbaric or they are envious of our
freedom and courage. So we wear an
untouchable persona and barely admit weakness to ourselves. How do you drag yourself to the gym on your
worst days? I tell myself that I am
strong and powerful and today is just another test of that.
Here is the duality: When you can safely acknowledge your insecurities
and fears, and they are validated, and you are encouraged past them, it is
empowering beyond explanation. Through audacity, regarding my vulnerability,
I become invincible.
I have discovered that most of us experience the same
emotions, just through different filters.
That has freed me to speak openly about all my emotions, especially
those related to fighting. Sometimes you
can see the relief when someone learns that they are not alone in their feelings
and experiences. Sometimes they are
excited to share ideas, and sometimes they will keep you out, so as not to
accept any weakness themselves.
I find my peace and strength in knowing I have the courage to express and confront my weaknesses. If you’re having a less than beautiful emotion in a situation, chances are that someone else has been there too. If you expose your soul, you can find the strength to make changes you could never make if you were to remain protected.
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