Are You Enough?

When the cage door closes, all you have is you.  Everyone else has pushed you as far as they can.  Your coach can yell until his voice is gone, but you are not a marionette.  YOU must chose, YOU must feel, YOU must act.  Yet the cage feels full, not lonely, because you are enough.  You have to be.

I have what seems to be an unusual training history in that I’ve always had a lot of one on one time with my coaches.  I love the constant feedback and the comfort of knowing my coach is there every step of the way.  It’s easy to become dependent on the advice and experience of someone you’ve trusted in that role.  And then, one month before my last fight, my coach moved out of the state.  I have to admit there was a moment of panic.  I need someone to push me harder than I can push myself, so I did, because when the cage door closes all you have is you.

I didn’t feel abandoned, I felt empowered.  I could do this.  I ran my own camp.  I told my training partners what I needed, I cut to 115 lbs for the first time, and I put myself in the best physical condition of my life.  I didn’t do it alone, but I took all the responsibility, for better or worse.  Now, as I look ahead to the next couple of months, I’m excited to do it all again.  My training situation has once again changed, but I know that I am enough.  I have to be.

Sometimes we are our only resource.  When you find that moment where failure is not an option, where you have no choice but to look inside yourself for the answer, you might be surprised what you find.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Finding the Right Coach

Oh here we go… “I have someone I want you to meet, really cool person and I think you guys will be perfect for each other!”  Then they proceed to list the credentials of your potential life partner.  We all know that just because someone looks good on paper does not mean it’s going to be a good match.  It’s the same when you’re looking for a trainer or coach.

Me, my coach Ivan, and my husband & ground coach Bendy

Someone can have a great reputation, have several fighters in major organizations, and somehow you find yourself getting worse instead of better.  How is this possible?  Well let’s think about failed relationships in general and we’ll probably find the answer.

He’s just not that into you.  If he’s got a lot of demands on his time, he may not be as available as you would like.  Maybe it’s other fighters, family and business needs, or just a general lack of interest in you.  Whatever the reason if your needs aren’t being met, it’s not worth waiting around for things to change… because they won’t.  (Mind you, some trainers will begin with this tactic to test your dedication, but a few months in this should be obvious to you and you should be getting what you need.)

I really love him but…. If there’s a “but” there’s a problem.  Maybe it’s no stimulation, no work ethic, or poor communication.  If you’ve given it a good solid effort and it’s not working, sometimes love isn’t enough.

And then there’s the clinger.  This one wants your devotion and attention night and day.  You’re getting better, but you can’t stand to be around them when you’re not training. (I’m sure you can insert your own metaphor here.)  I don’t know why, but these guys tend to be really good teachers, and it’s so tempting to stay!

It’s all I know.  When you’ve been with the same person for enough time, they just become part of who you are.  Maybe you feel like you don’t have a better option.  Things could have been great in the beginning, but the same routine is slowly draining your love of the sport.

The worst scenario is when you start to suspect abuse.  Both emotional and physical abuse disguise themselves very well in martial arts.  The idea that this is your Sensei, Master, or Kru, makes you think that it’s for your growth as a fighter and a person.  When you’re a 115lb fighter with a 180lb coach, he should not be giving you bloody noses on a daily basis.  These coaches also tend to be very good and can be the hardest to leave.

Leaving a coach can be way harder than leaving a significant other.  You’ve spent countless hours with this person, given them your heart and soul, and trusted them with your dreams.  Most of the time they have given the same to you.

And then, sometimes they leave you.  Maybe they move, stop training, or send you to another coach.  A good coach, like a good partner will want what’s best for you, even if that means letting you go.  Maybe their needs have changed, maybe they see they can’t meet yours anymore.  You can understand, but it hurts.  Every time I’ve gone through a break-up I always tell myself there’s someone better.  There was a reason for the relationship, and a reason it’s over.

And then we’re back to “There’s someone you should meet…”  And sometimes it works out.  You find the perfect balance of give and take, compassion and tough love, enjoying each other’s company and respecting their space.  You find your growth together is limitless.  That’s the one you keep for life.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Leap of Faith

Today I feel like a child on the edge of a diving board.  I want to jump more than anything, I want to go back to training at full capacity.  I was strong enough to climb the ladder, courageous enough to walk to the edge, but jumping is another story.  I don’t want to re-injure my hamstring, this has been a long, painful climb back and I’m not too eager to go through it again.  A physical therapist told me that when I think I’m ready to go back to training, wait two more weeks.  What does that mean if I’m pretty sure I’m ready, but I’m scared?

No one is ever really ready to leave security for the unknown.  There are good reasons to stay safe, and good reasons for risk.  I think at some point your thirst for satisfaction will drive you toward your risk, or your fear will confine you in your safety, and there is a moment where you no longer have a choice.  That moment on the edge of the diving board.  Is the water really so scary?  You wouldn't have climbed that ladder if you didn't know how to swim.

 As humans our imagined fears have a greater influence on our behavior than those we can identify.  We know the result of climbing back down to safety, some humiliation, some regret as we watch the others happily doing what we know we could have, and we think maybe, when we’re ready we’ll try again.  What we don’t know is what happens when our feet leave the diving board, maybe you land on your back on the water (ouch), maybe you hit your head on the diving board (OUCH!), maybe there’s something else that we never even thought of…. or maybe everything will be fine.

I have awesome training partners that will take good care of me, I know my limits and have my ego in check.  Sitting on the sidelines is not my style and it’s making me crazy.  My sport is a dangerous one, but it’s funny, I’m never worried about getting hurt, unless I’m already hurt.  Things can always go wrong, especially when you focus on things going wrong…  I know I’m not 100% healed, and I know that getting myself back in fight shape is going to hurt, but at some point I have to make that choice to start.

Sometimes you’re ready and sometimes not, the only way to find out is to jump.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Ego Trippin'

Forgive me, but I’m about to become a self-centered bitch (and I use that word in its purest metaphorical sense).  There is that moment when you realize you’re going to fight and the world shifts.  I need to eat when it’s time to eat, sleep when it’s time to sleep, and train and work and EVERYTHING else needs to take a back seat.  It sounds a little totally self-absorbed, but anyone who pretends they don’t react this way is lying.  No I’m not saving lives or defending the universe, but it’s fight time and I’m not worried about making everyone else happy.

Long Beach Fight Night May 6 ,2012

I was living with my sister before my first fight and at one point she took a deep breath and said “Who are you?”  Years later she did her first triathlon, and she called me and said “Kate, I get it.”  She knew she needed to eat, and everyone was worried about waiting for so and so, and cooking, and chatting.  She needed to eat.  She had an extremely taxing race coming the next day, and she knew the consequences of not handling her business.  When I wrote about fear motivating you in the right direction this is exactly what I’m talking about.

I now have weight to make, a diet I need to keep, a training camp to plan, and I still need to work and take care of my family.  Oh yeah, and I’m starting from zero after three months of recovery.  I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I live for this.  These crazy nerves, training to the point of exhaustion, growing as a human being and as a fighter, feeling the love and support of my training partners and family, I’m on a roller coaster for the next three months.  And I am SO ready.

This feeling is one of the reasons I love to fight.  When we are caught up in our responsibilities and day to day routines it is almost impossible to take time for ourselves, to put ourselves first.  My needs are a priority, and when I’m blessed with the opportunity to fight, I make them one.

www.KatieCasimir.com

A Bit of Inspiration

This time last year I had my heart set on a move to the North East.  While I was getting everything together my husband and I joined a new academy and found a new home.  A huge part of that has been the Agabin family.  We started trading kneebar classes with the three boys for mitt work with their dad, Coach June Bug.  It quickly ceased to be a trade, we have all become deeply invested in each other’s success, and the inspiration that I get from each of the boys is worth more than the technique we teach them.

C.J., Matthew, and Isaac

Matthew is the youngest, he trains and competes with joy.  He is just happy to be participating.  Don’t be deceived, the little guy has crazy heart and goes for the win 100%, but he’s smiling the whole time. He’s small for his age and usually fights kids twice his size, that doesn't faze him one bit.  As adults I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and forget to love what we do.  Training is not a chore, it’s a pleasure.  Imagine if we could capture that attitude towards life, parenting, work… No, he doesn't have the bills and the pressures we do, but those things will be there whether we chose to live with joy or not.

Isaac is in the middle and inspires me with his confidence and demeanor.  I laugh when I see him compete because he stops being a kid the minute he steps on the mat.  He knows what he needs to do and he will do it, there is no doubt.  He is so talented he plays with most of his opponents, but he approaches his tough opponents with the same confidence.  Like Isaac, we have to know that there is nothing we can’t do, no challenge we can’t look square in the face and say “I got this.”

C.J., the oldest, is diligent, smart, and efficient.  He shows up ready to work and doesn't stop until the job is done.  He knows his best skills, and he knows when and how to use them.  He’s not looking for the easy way, he’s looking for the right way, a picture of what I wrote in 10,000.  Things don’t always come easy for him, but that makes no difference, he will overcome.  There is little value in the things that come easy.  Goals are accomplished by putting one foot in front of the other, then lowering your shoulder and continuing to push when things get hard.

Agabin Trophy Case

What I've written doesn't even do justice to their amazing personalities or the beautiful dynamic they have as a family.  I just wanted to share the way they inspire me in hopes of inspiring you too.  Success is built on joy, confidence, and diligence, and believe me the Agabin brothers have some success!

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Letting Go

I love cheese.  I mean LOVE cheese, and ice cream, and cheesecake, and I gave it up last April.  I had chronic sinus infections for years.  After the most powerful antibiotics known to man, three surgeries and every natural cure I could find, I read that dairy could be a major contributor to my problem.  So I made a firm decision to give it up for two months, if I didn't notice a difference I would go back to my regular diet.  As much as I was hoping it wouldn't work… it did.  After two weeks I noticed a difference, and have been feeling better ever since.  What I wasn't expecting was the change in my body.  I lost ten lbs. Gone. For months now, and I've never had much fluctuation in my weight.  I diet hard for my fights, and within three weeks I creep back to my normal weight.  And now I've stabilized ten pounds lighter.

Letting go of something you love isn't easy. If you realize that it’s bringing negativity into your life you have an important choice to make.  You can ignore what you've seen and carry on, or you can let go.  There’s no in-between.  At first you will notice the obvious improvement, negative factor removed.  Then the real magic starts.  Your life will be filled with beautiful things you never expected.

I met a woman today who told me that she started noticing the negative speech of her extended family.  She was afraid of the repercussions, but she just couldn't hear it anymore.  She put a few of the worst offenders out of her life and she said the rest just went away too.  Negative factors removed, but now she says she meets the most amazing positive people everywhere she goes.  Her life became better, times two.

We only have so many hours in the day, and so much energy to give. When you let go of anything that is holding you back, that time and energy will find a better place to spend itself.  Are you ready?

www.KatieCasimir.com

How to Get a Perfect Body

Is there such a thing as a perfect body?  I've had coaches ask me how tall I am, and from there inform me what weight I need to be to fight.  Most people believe a tall, lean body is ideal (for martial arts as well the fashion industry).  I hate to admit it but I started my martial arts career wishing for a different body.  Then I met Darby Evans, one of the best coaches I've ever come into contact with.  He taught me how to use angles and close distance, basically he taught me how to fight with my body at any weight.

You can quote me on this, "Your disadvantages are only disadvantages until you learn to use them to your advantage."  (If you don’t believe me check out Baxter Humby or Nick Newell.  Both of these guys are amazingly talented fighters who only have one arm.)  Having long limbs can present a significant advantage for striking, but so does a low center of gravity, i.e. my short thick legs, or having a good sense of timing, or great endurance.  It’s about appreciating what you have and learning to make the most of it.  Often your competitors will seek to exploit your obvious weaknesses, with that knowledge you can develop your strategy.

It breaks my heart when I hear women say, “I wish I had a body like Heidi Klum” when they’re built like Marilyn Monroe.  All the diet and exercise in the world will never make that happen.  We must work every day to be our best selves and love ourselves for the effort.  If you are strong, be strong.  If you are fast, be fast.  If you are smart, be smart, and if you want to be strong, work hard to be stronger.  If you want to be fast, work hard to be faster.  Self-improvement will take you to your ultimate potential, self-pity and self-loathing will hold you back.

Your body is already perfect, it’s just waiting for your heart and mind to get on board.

www.KatieCasimir.com

My Take on the Belt System

“So, are you like, a black belt?”  Nope.  I’m a white belt in everything.  Except of course, Muay Thai, Boxing, grappling, you know the sports which most closely translate into MMA. They don’t have belts.  It used to frustrate me because I’ve put years into my training, and somehow that doesn’t mean as much to the common observer as a belt color that they probably don’t understand anyway.  Now it’s become one of those questions I answer with one word “nope” and let them ponder why not.

In theory it’s good.  If you put the time and work in you will receive a visible merit, which will distinguish you in any academy within your discipline.  Anyone holding a lower belt will show you the respect deserved, as you will respect those with belts higher than your own.  To achieve the level of black belt is recognized as a major accomplishment and is deserving of the highest level of respect.

My first problem with this is it is an entirely extrinsic motivation, in one of the most personal, internal endeavors I have ever encountered.  People are highly motivated by these things, to a point.  We want the respect and recognition that comes with titles, President, Director, Master.  Title is everything.  How many times will you be passed up for a promotion before your motivation will give out?  Maybe your boss or your master doesn’t recognize your talent or hard work. Or if it’s only a matter of showing up every day, people will, at some point see the lack of actual accomplishment and drop out.   If you are motivated only by your desire to improve and grow, these things will not discourage you.

The more time I spend in martial arts, the less respect I have for the whole belt system.  Some schools give out black belts like toys in Happy Meals (to quote Chael Sonnen).  Other schools let students remain in the same rank for years so they will win competitions in those divisions and bring trophies and recognition to the school.  Jiu-jitsu has age limits on belt levels (ex. You must be 19 to receive your black belt) and Judo requires that you must compete at the highest levels to attain the highest belts, while some disciplines have 12-year-olds testing for their 10^th degree black belt.  I fully respect the rank of black belt, and those people who truly deserve that honor. But honestly I would have that same respect for those people if they held lower belts because of their dedication, knowledge and passion for their discipline.

I was told once that the original martial arts only had two belts. White and Black.  I don’t know if this is true, but I like the idea.  You are a student until you are a master, and when you are truly a master you are always a student.  You build your reputation with your skill and determination… Something like Muay Thai, boxing, grappling, and Mixed Martial Arts.

www.KatieCasimir.com

10,000

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”  -Bruce Lee

Ok, there it is, the “magic pill” for martial arts.  Find a technique that makes sense to you and drill it, and do it again, and do it until it is instinct and not technique.  Practice the basic principles and the advanced technique.  Teach it.  Learn it so that you always have an answer to any problem you are given.  Then practice it some more.  This is not fun per say, but it’s fun when you nail it in competition.  It’s fun when you become recognized around the world for being the best at it.  It’s fun when your opponent knows what you're going to do and still can't stop you. 

We all know one of those people who changed their major 7 times in college, or has a new soul mate every other month.  Commitment can look stifling when you consider all your options.  However, like choosing a career path or life partner, making a commitment is the only way (save a lot of luck) to attain what we truly desire.  I find more freedom in marriage than I did before I met my husband.  I’m free to make mistakes and fix them.  I’m free to grow into the person I want to be.  Likewise when I chose a career in martial arts, I knew I was moving in the right direction.  I want to be doing what I do every day.  And I do it every day, even if I don’t feel like it, because I never finish a training session and say “That was a waste of time…”  I have 10,000 dreams, and I have chosen one to peruse 10,000%

There is no substitute for hard work, but if you work with focus and purpose, your hard work will take you farther than you can ever imagine.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Vices

I once heard that no one should step on a scale except boxers and jockeys.  I support this 100%.  Maybe I’m a little hypocritical in that because I fall into one of those two categories, but the fact remains I need to be in control of more than how my clothes fit and what I see when I look in the mirror.  As you can imagine, the idea of trying not to obsess about your weight while maintaining a constant awareness of it can be maddening.  It all comes down to self-control and character.

Self-control and character.  It’s easy for me to turn down a cookie at work.  Everyone there respects what I do and I’m praised for my will power.  I don’t have that same accountability when I’m home alone.  Every moment is a choice, will I do the right thing when no one is watching?  Am I practicing what I’m preaching?  One cookie will not change the outcome of my “weigh-in” the next morning and it certainly won’t affect my weight at my official weigh-in.  It will make me a liar.  That does not go without consequences.  Chances are good that it won’t stop at one cookie even if it’s only one cookie that day.  My integrity has been compromised.  There’s the disappointment in myself, and the stomach ache (from the sugar) that will follow.  None of this is healthy, but it gets pushed a little further to the back of my mind with every cookie.

We’re all human.  We want things that are bad for us, and we don’t want the consequences.  We know we shouldn't do certain things, so we try to escape the judgment of others, and we do those things in the dark.  Whether or not anyone sees our misconduct, it happened and the consequences are there.  My consequences will be on display for everyone.  Missing weight would be humiliating, and have serious consequences on my career, not to mention losing a percentage of my purse.  The consequences of sneaking a cigarette out of the view of your children may never come to light, but if you think your lack of integrity on this won’t show up in other areas, you are mistaken.  And by he way, people know, especially your children.

 I have found that I have success by creating some accountability for myself.  I keep one treat in the cabinet, and I can have it any time up until two weeks before weigh-in.  It’s the only treat I can have in that time and I usually don’t end up eating it.  I always ask myself “Do I need this more today than I will later?”  Usually the answer is no.  My integrity is not compromised because it’s in my rules, and I don’t have to feel guilty for enjoying it, if I chose to.  I feel better about the whole situation.

Being honest about your vices can be humiliating, but it’s the only way to have any control over them.  It starts with being honest with yourself.

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Trade Secrets

There’s no such thing as a secret move in martial arts.  As soon as you use it in competition, it’s not a secret anymore.  Yet fighters hoard their best stuff like that ring in that movie.  I understand the mentality.  I used keep my secrets, and I had coaches that made me feel like I would be betraying them to do otherwise.  A few things have happened in my life to change that. 

My husband, will teach anyone who is willing to learn the secrets of his kneebar game.  He has spent years putting it together, testing, reworking, researching, testing etc. and he will give that away.  It may seem foolish, but if he only has one mind working on the project it will take exponentially longer to find perfection than if he has two.  We all have different ideas, different bodies, different perspectives, and different observations.  If we share them we can all grow together.  We teach a kids class specifically for kneebars, and we learn as much from the kids as they do from us. 

The greatest fighters don’t usually create anything new, they just become very good at a specific skill set which works well for their body type, fighting style, and opponents.  I don’t think Wanderlei Silva has a “secret punch”.  He knows the same basic punches they teach in cardio kickboxing.  He knows how to use them to make himself one of the greatest ever.  He differentiated himself with his fearless aggressive style, not a specific move.

I've heard that you retain 90% of what you teach.  I’m not sure I've ever seen the research, but I know teaching is certainly a test of your knowledge (you can B.S. your students, but you know if you’re lost).  What better way to refine your skill than to teach it to someone else? Lose the fear that someone will teach it to your future opponent and keep growing yourself.  Lose the fear that people will discover your weaknesses, and be grateful for the opportunity to become stronger. 

In business, sports, and life, don’t look at your innovations like a precious ring.  Instead think of them as seeds that will grow and bloom and create new seeds.  In that way you will achieve immortality.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Some Thoughts on Motivation

“What motivates you?” That was the best question I've ever been asked in an interview.  I wasn't prepared.  I pulled a quote from the only useful motivational speech I've ever heard.  “To be a little better than I was yesterday.”  I learned in that moment, that is the principle of Kaizen, a philosophy I hold dear, but it’s not what motivates me.  I guess the answer worked, because I got the job.   More importantly, I believe the question changed my life as I began to search for the answer.

I think most people define their motivation (if they define it at all) extrinsically.  I want to be champion.  I want to be my boss’s boss.  I want to be the best parent ever.  If these things motivate you, to what length?  Would you take performance enhancing drugs?  Step on your friends and colleagues to get ahead? Kill a girl that made the cheer squad over your daughter?  There’s nothing wrong with extrinsic motivation, but I think you must define the whole picture or you can drastically miss your mark.

That motivational speech to which I referred, the man was a millionaire.  His greatest accomplishment was to be successful as a parent, husband and friend.  He also said that no matter what he forgot when he left home, it could be shipped or replaced, the only exception was his integrity.  This was a man who had his goals and his motivation defined and separated.

I define my motivation as this: I want to be a person I can be proud of.  I want to be a person that awkward eight-year-old tomboy Katie is ecstatic that she grew up to be.  I’m a professional athlete, how cool is that?  I work hard, and don’t cut corners.  I’m devoted to my family, my integrity is intact.  I speak my truth, and I truly care more about being myself than what other people think of me.  I think I have found coherence in that, and when I achieve my goals, I will still have the same motivation.  This goes back to my original answer, Kaizen.  Every day I try to make that eight-year-old a little prouder.

www.KatieCasimir.com