Innocence Lost

Early in my career I was at a fight show and I witnessed a moment that took a part of my innocence as a fighter and as a person.  A fight can be a beautiful dance or an exciting display of athleticism.  But sometimes it is ugly and you must make ethical decisions that you never planned on making in a split second.  This was the scenario:  Two fighters, neither very experienced, one punched to the point where he was just standing there in a daze, arms hanging by his sides.  In my opinion the fight should have been stopped, but it wasn’t.  The other was unable to react, he was shocked by the state of his opponent and the best he could do was throw a half-hearted head kick.  He was unable to finish a guy who was basically out on his feet.

What would you do?  What would I do? I love to fight, but I love to fight a challenging opponent, not someone who isn’t able to defend themselves.  A true warrior has honor and virtue, yet I am a warrior and I have a job to do.

I have assessed the situation, from a distance, and I have to come to the conclusion that ending the fight as quickly as possible is the kindest and wisest thing to do.  Another round could mean more head trauma and irreparable damage.  Should they recover, they have nothing to lose and become very dangerous, which was what happened in this fight, and the judges scored it a draw.  It was ugly from start to finish, battle is ugly.

I don’t want to trivialize the experience of war, but a fighter must prepare as a soldier.  We must be prepared to take our values and morals and look at them in the context of war.  We must understand that both fighters agreed to this situation, knowing the possible consequences of winning and losing.  Are you OK with breaking a limb and ending someone else’s career?  Or having your career ended because you didn’t submit?

I have a friend who served in Iraq.  At one point he was face to face with a pregnant woman.  She had a grenade in her hand.  What would you do?  What would I do?

www.KatieCasimir.com

On Knowing Me

My dad used to accuse me of vanity when I would spend time in front of the mirror.  I knew better.  I was analyzing, critiquing and studying.  If you know me at all, you know I wasn’t fussing with my hair and make-up.  I was noticing how my freckles changed, that my eyebrows don’t match, and wishing I had a little less angle on my nose.  I guess it might me a little vain in that I have always wanted to know me better.

I have a new mirror now, personality types.  I just discovered that according to The Art of Seduction, I’m a Dandy with some Coquette tendencies.  I’m a Taurus with Taurus rising, a horse (Chinese Zodiac), I’m right brained, IN-TF-J (I confused the Myers Briggs by being a feeler and a thinker) and I’m a bear hunter (that’s my own metaphor, maybe I’ll write about that another day).  I love personality tests.  Sometimes they surprise me, sometimes they flatter me, sometimes I agree, sometimes not, but I always get to know me a little better.  I find it most beneficial when I see something I want to develop or some weakness I need to turn into a strength.  Conveniently enough, these tests usually come with advice too...

My husband and I work the same techniques and work to create a new game and a new strategy.  We are both counter-fighters, so I had to wonder why it was working so much better for him.  When I discovered that I’m a hunter and he’s a fisher, it all made sense.  I can now stop fighting my nature and adapt my game for that.  Understanding Mars & Venus has made my marriage a little smoother. Discovering that as a “Dandy” people like that I speak my mind, and that makes me more comfortable in my own skin.  We all have our own qualities to appreciate and help us contribute to society, if we categorize and identify them or not.  I'm sure more than one of those types I fit into will tell you that I like to analyze EVERYTHING.

My husband says we are mirrors for each other, we spend hours speaking about philosophy, psychology, strategy and theory, but it all comes down to looking in the mirror… I guess we’re both vain.  Sun Tzu said in the Art of War “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”  There is value in knowing yourself. 

I can tell you all of this, and it’s only a small piece of Katie.  There’s no way you can see the fire in my eyes when I learn something new, no way you can know the depths of my determination, or know what will build me up or break me down.  Only my mirrors and I know me that well.

www.KatieCasimir.com

For My Grandma

My Grandma taught me a lot while she was here.  I want to share some of that in honor of her beautiful spirit and the amazing family she raised and kept together.

1.       You are never too old or too small to do anything.

2.       You can eat soup all year long.

3.       Your world is all a matter of perception.  If you believe it is lovely, it is lovely.

4.       You can make a healthier grilled cheese by putting cheese on your bread in the toaster oven.

5.       Make your spouse #1 if you want to have a happy marriage.

6.       Handicaps do not define you.

7.       If you have the time, volunteer.

8.       Make things with the children in your life.

9.       Read.

10.   Believe you are the belle of the ball, for your whole life.

11.   Love.

12.   You don’t have to be Hispanic to have a piñata for every holiday.  Have one because it’s fun!

13.   Do good things for others when no one is looking.

14.   You can’t have too many pairs of shoes.

15.   Be proud of your family, because they are all awesome people.

16.   Have opinions and let them be known, it gives you character.

17.   When someone takes the time to write to you, write back.

18.   Keep a sense of humor, life is very funny.

19.   Appreciate the little things, and express it.

20.   She lost her hearing in WWII, she lost two children (one way too young, one not so long ago), and she lost the love of her life when my grandfather passed 30 years ago.  She never lost her faith in God or her love for life as a result of tragedy, instead she let her faith be her comfort and never stopped counting her blessings.

Thank you Grandma for your strength and courage, my family, my middle name, my great legs, and all the beautiful moments we shared.  I love you.

Elevated Expectations

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them 

- Michael Jordan

I think Michael Jordan is one of the few people that can truly understand why I’m so hard on myself.  I don’t believe I have limits.  The fact that I fight two weight classes below everyone I rolled with today is no excuse for my poor performance.  Neither is the fact that I am just coming back after three months off.  I expect to be better than I am, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

I am driven by my expectations.  I’m never surprised by my accomplishments, and I don’t savor them for too long.  There are always new expectations, mistakes to fix, and more work to do.  My true objective is forever moving just past the horizon, and I am forever believing I should already be there.  Sometimes that leaves me out behind the gym crying from frustration, but there are those moments when I touch that horizon and there is a light in me that defies explanation.  I live for those moments.

 Tonight there will be more training.  I will put my confidence back on course, put my body a little closer to fight shape, and continue to raise my expectations.  And I will love every minute of it.

Don’t be afraid to set expectations for yourself, and set them high.  You are only delusional if you are not ready to put the work in to get there.  EVERYTHING is possible with faith, hard work, and perseverance.  

www.KatieCasimir.com

Work Smarter

Testing myself this weekend was EVERYTHING.  I wasn't perfect, but I was good, and I was everything I wanted to be.  My mind, body, and spirit were in the right place and I was ready.  Winning the tournament was secondary to being my best Katie, and showing my students that what I teach them is what I do.  Who would have thought tearing my hamstring was the best thing that could have happened for my career?

The more I look back on my time off, the more I value it.  In this sport you always have to be ready.  Fights seem to show up on short notice, when they show up at all.  I’m never far from fight ready.  I train 5-6 days a week and I’m working the days I’m not training because I have ends to meet, and taking time off could mean missing an opportunity to fight.

When I got a reasonable offer for a fight, I was off to do everything I could to be my best.  I was starting work at 4am, then training 2-3 times a day.  I was killing myself.  The body is NOT meant to do that.  I was getting a new minor injury every other day until my hamstring stopped me in my tracks…

My husband told me, for your next fight, we will train smarter.  I see now that he is right.  This time off has made me better.  Much better.  I kept my mind working the entire time and rather than adding more pieces to my puzzle, I made a picture with the ones that I have.  I found some holes and I’m filling them in.

Sometimes we run around like crazy because we are compensating for something.  Something like a lack of preparation, organization, or confidence.  Sometimes it’s a better use of time and resources to just step back and assess what is actually necessary, and work on that. 

www.KatieCasimir.com

I'm Not Afraid

My sister and I make each other laugh until we cry.  We find a way to step up when the other needs anything.  We have been a symbiotic support system for 33 years.  It’s a closeness that defies explanation, 100% unconditional love.  Love that is without condition is the most powerful force on earth.  I’m not afraid to be my worst, so with her I am able to be my best.

I found the same feeling with my training today.  I love being a martial artist.  There is no fear of a bad performance. (It hasn't happened yet)  I can only be my best when I let go of the fear of being my worst.  So I let go today, if only for a moment, and it was amazing!

I decided to do a grappling tournament, that I haven’t trained for, just for fun.  No pressure, no expectations, just a little test of my skills.  My sister will be there, like always, encouraging me with her unconditional love, and I will be my best.

On our way to weigh-ins late April 2013

www.KatieCasimir.com