Breast Cancer Awareness

Two months after my sister's diagnosis, I finally cried.  She triggered it with a facebook post expressing her deep gratitude for the time I took to shave her head.  I asked the stupidest question in the world, “Why?” Like cancer has a reason, like it’s fair for anyone to go through this. 

I thought I was aware.  I do my monthly exams.  My grandmother had a mastectomy,  I’ve seen the pretty bald ladies on posters and the cover of pamphlets, and it’s impossible to miss the pink ribbons.  I didn’t know… I can’t say that I do now, or that you will after reading this, but this is what breast cancer awareness has become for me: I see my sis fighting to go to work, through the side effects of chemo, and come home to a son that needs more than she has to give.  I see her overwhelmed by paperwork, appointments, finances, and relationships... And she still rallied to take Ollie trick-or-treating. 

I’ve always said that you will see a person’s true character when they have every excuse to be intolerable.  I have watched her every day as she puts on her game face for the whole world.  She comforts people as they cry for her.  I’ve watched her put her feelings aside and accept everyone else’s reactions to her cancer (appropriate, judgmental, thoughtless, and downright mean) with grace and dignity.  She is grateful to work when she can, and grateful to her job for understanding when she can’t.  She keeps her head up and her shoulder down.  She is going to beat this.

In life’s nastiest moments, the only thing we can control is our own outlook.  I’m sure I’m not done with the tears.  I’m sure she isn’t either.  I am also sure that we’ve been making each other laugh for 34 years now, and we’re not done with that either.

Amanda and Oliver with her "Chemo Pac" from ItAintChemo.org