Letting Go

If I had to pick a theme for 2014 it would be “Let go.” It was a lesson I learned over and over again as I faced some of the most difficult times in my life. 

This year I sat in my sister’s corner as she fought bravely against her cancer and won.  I am(was) the ultimate control freak, but I knew this was beyond me.  I let go.  I prayed hard, laughed when I could, cried when no one was looking, and did my best to hold our household and family together.  What’s more, I let go of the little stuff too.  If people are mean, they’re probably just hurting.  If I don’t have enough money, it will come. It always has.  Stupid argument with my husband?  Totally not worth not cuddling over.  I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, but I’m truly a better person for it.  

And just when I think I have it all figured out, my devastating trip to and subsequent deportation from Japan rears its ugly head.  I wanted that fight so badly.  I felt that if I had done one of a million little things differently, I would have the story of a lifetime instead of jet-lag and a broken heart… And then, in a seemingly unrelated story, Kevin Ross (one of the best kick boxers in the sport) fought for the same promotion at the end of this year and won.  His win was reversed, by the promoter, in the locker room.  WHAT?  While I’m sorry this happened to him, it allowed me to let go.  This same promoter tried so hard to “ice” me that I didn’t get to fight.  That’s all there was to it.  I was amazed at how tightly I was still holding on, and didn’t even know it.

I live how I fight and fight how I live, and in September I learned how to let go in the cage, aaaand I let my knees go… possibly my personal highlight of the year. (Please enjoy the video below)

Now it’s time to let 2014 go and I can’t say I’m in the least bit sorry.  I’m ready to see the days get longer, my sis get healthier, and I’m ready for the lessons 2015 has for me.