Why Aren't There More Women?

A couple weeks ago my husband was invited to a grappling class at a different gym.  I thought about bringing my gear to see if I could get some work in too, but  I decided to enjoy the rare pleasure of just watching my husband train.  When I saw the average skill level, I realized I had made the right choice.  It was the first and only time I have ever seen a group of guys training and thought “I don’t belong there… yet.”

On the next mat there was a “regular member” class going on.  I couldn’t help but notice the women that were participating.  The four of them were working in pairs.  I could see that they were beginners and kind of girly, but they were trying hard to learn the technique.  It made me smile, but it got me thinking… Why four women in the regular class, but zero in the elite class?  Why are cardio kickboxing classes packed with women, yet I struggle to find reasonable training partners?  It’s the same story in every gym.  Even when there’s “a lot” of girls we’re still only about 20%.  It makes me wonder if the small percentage of women in government, and leadership in general is something they bring on themselves, something they have chosen not to peruse.

I separate myself here because I thrive in the proverbial man’s world.  I always have.  When I was in the 4^th grade I was the girl playing soccer with the 5^th and 6^th grade boys.  They played rough and I loved it.  It made me feel powerful to compete with the boys and earn their respect, even if I wasn’t as good.  The girls were off playing “unicorns” or something. 

This is my experience: Men don’t exclude women, women exclude themselves.  I’m not saying sexism and “boys club” politics don’t exist, I’m saying it’s only half the problem.  I have found that after you push through the initial resistance, men embrace you as the bad ass chick that you are.  They respect you for breaking down barriers, for your hard work, and yes, for your valuable contributions.  Sometimes egos flare, but they flare up against each other too.  It's not personal. 

I think that our society as a whole has embraced the value of female involvement. I’ve been sought out for several jobs as a kickboxing instructor, just because they “need a woman.” The UFC has finally seen the financial benefits of promoting women (thanks to a lot of bad ass chicks who wouldn't go away).   I recently read an article about what companies wanting to hire more women need to do. Yale is even doing studies on how you make this happen. (It turns out you need to have women to get women, preferably in numbers of three or more.)  Doors are opening.

Because I don’t feel this need for other women in my environment, I have a hard time understanding it.  Are women afraid of losing their feminine identity?  Are they afraid of making a mistake and looking weak?  Maybe they just have other objectives for themselves.  Or maybe it’s the Marianne Williamson quote “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I know that not every woman wants to be a fighter, a CEO, a hockey player, or a war correspondent.  But if you do, don’t let safety in numbers hold you back, ‘cause I need training partners.

Having two other women in training is like Christmas.  Especially when they're as awesome as Karina and Michelle

www.KatieCasimir.com