Work Smarter

Testing myself this weekend was EVERYTHING.  I wasn't perfect, but I was good, and I was everything I wanted to be.  My mind, body, and spirit were in the right place and I was ready.  Winning the tournament was secondary to being my best Katie, and showing my students that what I teach them is what I do.  Who would have thought tearing my hamstring was the best thing that could have happened for my career?

The more I look back on my time off, the more I value it.  In this sport you always have to be ready.  Fights seem to show up on short notice, when they show up at all.  I’m never far from fight ready.  I train 5-6 days a week and I’m working the days I’m not training because I have ends to meet, and taking time off could mean missing an opportunity to fight.

When I got a reasonable offer for a fight, I was off to do everything I could to be my best.  I was starting work at 4am, then training 2-3 times a day.  I was killing myself.  The body is NOT meant to do that.  I was getting a new minor injury every other day until my hamstring stopped me in my tracks…

My husband told me, for your next fight, we will train smarter.  I see now that he is right.  This time off has made me better.  Much better.  I kept my mind working the entire time and rather than adding more pieces to my puzzle, I made a picture with the ones that I have.  I found some holes and I’m filling them in.

Sometimes we run around like crazy because we are compensating for something.  Something like a lack of preparation, organization, or confidence.  Sometimes it’s a better use of time and resources to just step back and assess what is actually necessary, and work on that. 

www.KatieCasimir.com

I'm Not Afraid

My sister and I make each other laugh until we cry.  We find a way to step up when the other needs anything.  We have been a symbiotic support system for 33 years.  It’s a closeness that defies explanation, 100% unconditional love.  Love that is without condition is the most powerful force on earth.  I’m not afraid to be my worst, so with her I am able to be my best.

I found the same feeling with my training today.  I love being a martial artist.  There is no fear of a bad performance. (It hasn't happened yet)  I can only be my best when I let go of the fear of being my worst.  So I let go today, if only for a moment, and it was amazing!

I decided to do a grappling tournament, that I haven’t trained for, just for fun.  No pressure, no expectations, just a little test of my skills.  My sister will be there, like always, encouraging me with her unconditional love, and I will be my best.

On our way to weigh-ins late April 2013

www.KatieCasimir.com

Are You Enough?

When the cage door closes, all you have is you.  Everyone else has pushed you as far as they can.  Your coach can yell until his voice is gone, but you are not a marionette.  YOU must chose, YOU must feel, YOU must act.  Yet the cage feels full, not lonely, because you are enough.  You have to be.

I have what seems to be an unusual training history in that I’ve always had a lot of one on one time with my coaches.  I love the constant feedback and the comfort of knowing my coach is there every step of the way.  It’s easy to become dependent on the advice and experience of someone you’ve trusted in that role.  And then, one month before my last fight, my coach moved out of the state.  I have to admit there was a moment of panic.  I need someone to push me harder than I can push myself, so I did, because when the cage door closes all you have is you.

I didn’t feel abandoned, I felt empowered.  I could do this.  I ran my own camp.  I told my training partners what I needed, I cut to 115 lbs for the first time, and I put myself in the best physical condition of my life.  I didn’t do it alone, but I took all the responsibility, for better or worse.  Now, as I look ahead to the next couple of months, I’m excited to do it all again.  My training situation has once again changed, but I know that I am enough.  I have to be.

Sometimes we are our only resource.  When you find that moment where failure is not an option, where you have no choice but to look inside yourself for the answer, you might be surprised what you find.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Finding the Right Coach

Oh here we go… “I have someone I want you to meet, really cool person and I think you guys will be perfect for each other!”  Then they proceed to list the credentials of your potential life partner.  We all know that just because someone looks good on paper does not mean it’s going to be a good match.  It’s the same when you’re looking for a trainer or coach.

Me, my coach Ivan, and my husband & ground coach Bendy

Someone can have a great reputation, have several fighters in major organizations, and somehow you find yourself getting worse instead of better.  How is this possible?  Well let’s think about failed relationships in general and we’ll probably find the answer.

He’s just not that into you.  If he’s got a lot of demands on his time, he may not be as available as you would like.  Maybe it’s other fighters, family and business needs, or just a general lack of interest in you.  Whatever the reason if your needs aren’t being met, it’s not worth waiting around for things to change… because they won’t.  (Mind you, some trainers will begin with this tactic to test your dedication, but a few months in this should be obvious to you and you should be getting what you need.)

I really love him but…. If there’s a “but” there’s a problem.  Maybe it’s no stimulation, no work ethic, or poor communication.  If you’ve given it a good solid effort and it’s not working, sometimes love isn’t enough.

And then there’s the clinger.  This one wants your devotion and attention night and day.  You’re getting better, but you can’t stand to be around them when you’re not training. (I’m sure you can insert your own metaphor here.)  I don’t know why, but these guys tend to be really good teachers, and it’s so tempting to stay!

It’s all I know.  When you’ve been with the same person for enough time, they just become part of who you are.  Maybe you feel like you don’t have a better option.  Things could have been great in the beginning, but the same routine is slowly draining your love of the sport.

The worst scenario is when you start to suspect abuse.  Both emotional and physical abuse disguise themselves very well in martial arts.  The idea that this is your Sensei, Master, or Kru, makes you think that it’s for your growth as a fighter and a person.  When you’re a 115lb fighter with a 180lb coach, he should not be giving you bloody noses on a daily basis.  These coaches also tend to be very good and can be the hardest to leave.

Leaving a coach can be way harder than leaving a significant other.  You’ve spent countless hours with this person, given them your heart and soul, and trusted them with your dreams.  Most of the time they have given the same to you.

And then, sometimes they leave you.  Maybe they move, stop training, or send you to another coach.  A good coach, like a good partner will want what’s best for you, even if that means letting you go.  Maybe their needs have changed, maybe they see they can’t meet yours anymore.  You can understand, but it hurts.  Every time I’ve gone through a break-up I always tell myself there’s someone better.  There was a reason for the relationship, and a reason it’s over.

And then we’re back to “There’s someone you should meet…”  And sometimes it works out.  You find the perfect balance of give and take, compassion and tough love, enjoying each other’s company and respecting their space.  You find your growth together is limitless.  That’s the one you keep for life.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Leap of Faith

Today I feel like a child on the edge of a diving board.  I want to jump more than anything, I want to go back to training at full capacity.  I was strong enough to climb the ladder, courageous enough to walk to the edge, but jumping is another story.  I don’t want to re-injure my hamstring, this has been a long, painful climb back and I’m not too eager to go through it again.  A physical therapist told me that when I think I’m ready to go back to training, wait two more weeks.  What does that mean if I’m pretty sure I’m ready, but I’m scared?

No one is ever really ready to leave security for the unknown.  There are good reasons to stay safe, and good reasons for risk.  I think at some point your thirst for satisfaction will drive you toward your risk, or your fear will confine you in your safety, and there is a moment where you no longer have a choice.  That moment on the edge of the diving board.  Is the water really so scary?  You wouldn't have climbed that ladder if you didn't know how to swim.

 As humans our imagined fears have a greater influence on our behavior than those we can identify.  We know the result of climbing back down to safety, some humiliation, some regret as we watch the others happily doing what we know we could have, and we think maybe, when we’re ready we’ll try again.  What we don’t know is what happens when our feet leave the diving board, maybe you land on your back on the water (ouch), maybe you hit your head on the diving board (OUCH!), maybe there’s something else that we never even thought of…. or maybe everything will be fine.

I have awesome training partners that will take good care of me, I know my limits and have my ego in check.  Sitting on the sidelines is not my style and it’s making me crazy.  My sport is a dangerous one, but it’s funny, I’m never worried about getting hurt, unless I’m already hurt.  Things can always go wrong, especially when you focus on things going wrong…  I know I’m not 100% healed, and I know that getting myself back in fight shape is going to hurt, but at some point I have to make that choice to start.

Sometimes you’re ready and sometimes not, the only way to find out is to jump.

www.KatieCasimir.com

Ego Trippin'

Forgive me, but I’m about to become a self-centered bitch (and I use that word in its purest metaphorical sense).  There is that moment when you realize you’re going to fight and the world shifts.  I need to eat when it’s time to eat, sleep when it’s time to sleep, and train and work and EVERYTHING else needs to take a back seat.  It sounds a little totally self-absorbed, but anyone who pretends they don’t react this way is lying.  No I’m not saving lives or defending the universe, but it’s fight time and I’m not worried about making everyone else happy.

Long Beach Fight Night May 6 ,2012

I was living with my sister before my first fight and at one point she took a deep breath and said “Who are you?”  Years later she did her first triathlon, and she called me and said “Kate, I get it.”  She knew she needed to eat, and everyone was worried about waiting for so and so, and cooking, and chatting.  She needed to eat.  She had an extremely taxing race coming the next day, and she knew the consequences of not handling her business.  When I wrote about fear motivating you in the right direction this is exactly what I’m talking about.

I now have weight to make, a diet I need to keep, a training camp to plan, and I still need to work and take care of my family.  Oh yeah, and I’m starting from zero after three months of recovery.  I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I live for this.  These crazy nerves, training to the point of exhaustion, growing as a human being and as a fighter, feeling the love and support of my training partners and family, I’m on a roller coaster for the next three months.  And I am SO ready.

This feeling is one of the reasons I love to fight.  When we are caught up in our responsibilities and day to day routines it is almost impossible to take time for ourselves, to put ourselves first.  My needs are a priority, and when I’m blessed with the opportunity to fight, I make them one.

www.KatieCasimir.com

A Bit of Inspiration

This time last year I had my heart set on a move to the North East.  While I was getting everything together my husband and I joined a new academy and found a new home.  A huge part of that has been the Agabin family.  We started trading kneebar classes with the three boys for mitt work with their dad, Coach June Bug.  It quickly ceased to be a trade, we have all become deeply invested in each other’s success, and the inspiration that I get from each of the boys is worth more than the technique we teach them.

C.J., Matthew, and Isaac

Matthew is the youngest, he trains and competes with joy.  He is just happy to be participating.  Don’t be deceived, the little guy has crazy heart and goes for the win 100%, but he’s smiling the whole time. He’s small for his age and usually fights kids twice his size, that doesn't faze him one bit.  As adults I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and forget to love what we do.  Training is not a chore, it’s a pleasure.  Imagine if we could capture that attitude towards life, parenting, work… No, he doesn't have the bills and the pressures we do, but those things will be there whether we chose to live with joy or not.

Isaac is in the middle and inspires me with his confidence and demeanor.  I laugh when I see him compete because he stops being a kid the minute he steps on the mat.  He knows what he needs to do and he will do it, there is no doubt.  He is so talented he plays with most of his opponents, but he approaches his tough opponents with the same confidence.  Like Isaac, we have to know that there is nothing we can’t do, no challenge we can’t look square in the face and say “I got this.”

C.J., the oldest, is diligent, smart, and efficient.  He shows up ready to work and doesn't stop until the job is done.  He knows his best skills, and he knows when and how to use them.  He’s not looking for the easy way, he’s looking for the right way, a picture of what I wrote in 10,000.  Things don’t always come easy for him, but that makes no difference, he will overcome.  There is little value in the things that come easy.  Goals are accomplished by putting one foot in front of the other, then lowering your shoulder and continuing to push when things get hard.

Agabin Trophy Case

What I've written doesn't even do justice to their amazing personalities or the beautiful dynamic they have as a family.  I just wanted to share the way they inspire me in hopes of inspiring you too.  Success is built on joy, confidence, and diligence, and believe me the Agabin brothers have some success!

www.KatieCasimir.com