Today I feel like a child on the edge of a diving board. I want to jump more than anything, I want to
go back to training at full capacity. I
was strong enough to climb the ladder, courageous enough to walk to the edge,
but jumping is another story. I don’t
want to re-injure my hamstring, this has been a long, painful climb back and I’m
not too eager to go through it again. A
physical therapist told me that when I think I’m ready to go back to training,
wait two more weeks. What does that mean
if I’m pretty sure I’m ready, but I’m scared?
No one is ever really ready to leave security for the
unknown. There are good reasons to stay
safe, and good reasons for risk. I think at some point your thirst for
satisfaction will drive you toward your risk, or your fear will confine you in
your safety, and there is a moment where
you no longer have a choice. That moment
on the edge of the diving board. Is the
water really so scary? You wouldn't have
climbed that ladder if you didn't know how to swim.
As humans our
imagined fears have a greater influence on our behavior than those we can
identify. We know the result of climbing
back down to safety, some humiliation, some regret as we watch the others happily
doing what we know we could have, and we think maybe, when we’re ready we’ll try
again. What we don’t know is what
happens when our feet leave the diving board, maybe you land on your back on
the water (ouch), maybe you hit your head on the diving board (OUCH!), maybe there’s
something else that we never even thought of…. or maybe everything will be
fine.
I have awesome training partners that will take good care of
me, I know my limits and have my ego in check.
Sitting on the sidelines is not my style and it’s making me crazy. My sport is a dangerous one, but it’s funny,
I’m never worried about getting hurt, unless I’m already hurt. Things can always go wrong, especially when
you focus on things going wrong… I know
I’m not 100% healed, and I know that getting myself back in fight shape is
going to hurt, but at some point I have to make that choice to start.
Sometimes you’re ready and sometimes not, the only way to
find out is to jump.
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