Saturday, August 31, 2013

Are You Enough?

When the cage door closes, all you have is you.  Everyone else has pushed you as far as they can.  Your coach can yell until his voice is gone, but you are not a marionette.  YOU must chose, YOU must feel, YOU must act.  Yet the cage feels full, not lonely, because you are enough.  You have to be.

I have what seems to be an unusual training history in that I’ve always had a lot of one on one time with my coaches.  I love the constant feedback and the comfort of knowing my coach is there every step of the way.  It’s easy to become dependent on the advice and experience of someone you’ve trusted in that role.  And then, one month before my last fight, my coach moved out of the state.  I have to admit there was a moment of panic.  I need someone to push me harder than I can push myself, so I did, because when the cage door closes all you have is you.

I didn’t feel abandoned, I felt empowered.  I could do this.  I ran my own camp.  I told my training partners what I needed, I cut to 115 lbs for the first time, and I put myself in the best physical condition of my life.  I didn’t do it alone, but I took all the responsibility, for better or worse.  Now, as I look ahead to the next couple of months, I’m excited to do it all again.  My training situation has once again changed, but I know that I am enough.  I have to be.

Sometimes we are our only resource.  When you find that moment where failure is not an option, where you have no choice but to look inside yourself for the answer, you might be surprised what you find.

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