Oh here we go… “I have someone I want you to meet, really
cool person and I think you guys will be perfect for each other!” Then they proceed to list the credentials of
your potential life partner. We all know
that just because someone looks good on paper does not mean it’s going to be a
good match. It’s the same when you’re
looking for a trainer or coach.
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| Me, my coach Ivan, and my husband & ground coach Bendy |
Someone can have a great reputation, have several fighters
in major organizations, and somehow you find yourself getting worse instead of
better. How is this possible? Well let’s think about failed relationships
in general and we’ll probably find the answer.
He’s just not that into you.
If he’s got a lot of demands on his time, he may not be as available as
you would like. Maybe it’s other
fighters, family and business needs, or just a general lack of interest in
you. Whatever the reason if your needs
aren’t being met, it’s not worth waiting around for things to change… because they
won’t. (Mind you, some trainers will
begin with this tactic to test your dedication, but a few months in this should
be obvious to you and you should be getting what you need.)
I really love him but…. If there’s a “but” there’s a
problem. Maybe it’s no stimulation, no
work ethic, or poor communication. If
you’ve given it a good solid effort and it’s not working, sometimes love isn’t
enough.
And then there’s the clinger. This one wants your devotion and attention
night and day. You’re getting better,
but you can’t stand to be around them when you’re not training. (I’m sure you
can insert your own metaphor here.) I don’t
know why, but these guys tend to be really
good teachers, and it’s so tempting to stay!
It’s all I know. When
you’ve been with the same person for enough time, they just become part of who
you are. Maybe you feel like you don’t
have a better option. Things could have
been great in the beginning, but the same routine is slowly draining your love
of the sport.
The worst scenario is when you start to suspect abuse. Both emotional and physical abuse disguise
themselves very well in martial arts.
The idea that this is your Sensei, Master, or Kru, makes you think that
it’s for your growth as a fighter and a person.
When you’re a 115lb fighter with a 180lb coach, he should not be giving
you bloody noses on a daily basis. These
coaches also tend to be very good and can be the hardest to leave.
Leaving a coach can be way harder than leaving a significant
other. You’ve spent countless hours with
this person, given them your heart and soul, and trusted them with your
dreams. Most of the time they have given
the same to you.
And then, sometimes they leave you. Maybe they move, stop training, or send you
to another coach. A good coach, like a
good partner will want what’s best for you, even if that means letting you go. Maybe their needs have changed, maybe they
see they can’t meet yours anymore. You
can understand, but it hurts. Every time
I’ve gone through a break-up I always tell myself there’s someone better. There was a reason for the relationship, and
a reason it’s over.
And then we’re back to “There’s someone you should
meet…” And sometimes it works out. You find the perfect balance of give and
take, compassion and tough love, enjoying each other’s company and respecting
their space. You find your growth
together is limitless. That’s the one
you keep for life.
I love this! You are very funny & wise:)
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