I went to a psychic once. I was a little skeptical, until the first
thing she said to me was “Oooh, you’re a control freak, Baby.” Yes, yes I am. It was pointed out to me today that the
desire/ability/whatever to keep control is absolutely necessary as a martial
artist.
I step on my scale every morning around 3:30 am. Sometimes I know I’m not going to like what I
see (especially after a night of Chinese Food), but it’s a part of keeping
control over my weight. One sodium-loaded dinner out can mean 4 lbs. of water weight, enough to scare me into
eating clean for the rest of the week… I
have a strict diet that requires crazy self-control. I don’t eat dairy and I rarely eat meat. I drink water instead of the juice that’s in
the ‘fridge for my nephew, I often cook separate meals for my carnivorous
family, and I will be abstaining from the cheesecake I have for my husband’s
birthday tonight. It’s a choice, but it’s
not really… I’m driven by my goals and a little cheat here and a little cheat
there add up to a lot of cheating. It’s
a matter of controlling myself.
As a hot-tempered child, controlling my emotions is a challenge
I’ve been working on my whole life. In a
fight, a lack of control over anything is something very dangerous. If I get angry while sparring I will have an
asthma attack. When I’m calm I can work
harder and longer without a problem.
It’s no wonder this need for control has manifested itself
in every aspect of my life. If I make a “frivolous”
decision, like Chinese Food, it’s still relatively calculated. I think “I don’t feel like cooking. It’s been about a month since I’ve eaten out. There will be plenty of vegetarian and dairy
free options, and it will be nice to have a date with my husband.” I’m aware that I will be a little sluggish in
the morning, but I’ll be up and ready to work before 4 am. There may or may not be an extra cup of
coffee involved…
Sometimes I just need a moment of reflection to understand
the rest of the world, which has fewer consequences for minor lapses in self-control…
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