Two months after my sister's diagnosis, I finally
cried. She triggered it with a facebook
post expressing her deep gratitude for the time I took to shave her head. I asked the stupidest question in the world, “Why?”
Like cancer has a reason, like it’s fair for anyone to go through this.
I thought I was aware. I do my monthly exams. My grandmother had a mastectomy, I’ve
seen the pretty bald ladies on posters and the cover of pamphlets, and it’s
impossible to miss the pink ribbons. I
didn’t know… I can’t say that I do now, or that you will after reading this, but this is what breast cancer awareness has become for me: I see my sis fighting to go to work,
through the side effects of chemo, and come home to a son that needs more than she
has to give. I see her overwhelmed by
paperwork, appointments, finances, and relationships... And she still rallied to take Ollie trick-or-treating.
I’ve always said that you will see a person’s true character
when they have every excuse to be intolerable.
I have watched her every day as she puts on her game face for the whole
world. She comforts people as they cry
for her. I’ve watched her put her
feelings aside and accept everyone else’s reactions to her cancer (appropriate,
judgmental, thoughtless, and downright mean) with grace and dignity. She is grateful to work when she can, and
grateful to her job for understanding when she can’t. She keeps her head up and her shoulder down. She is going to beat this.
In life’s nastiest moments, the only thing we can control is
our own outlook. I’m sure I’m not done
with the tears. I’m sure she isn’t
either. I am also sure that we’ve been
making each other laugh for 34 years now, and we’re not done with that either.
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| Amanda and Oliver with her "Chemo Pac" from ItAintChemo.org |
